it's been a long time since i felt grateful for everything in my life. been sometime since i felt that my mum has tried all her best to give me everything she could and to make my studying life easier. and it just makes me so guilty and bad for not doing my best in school and going out and have fun most of the time. it makes me feel like i'm such an unfillial child and if i'm gonna spend so much money off her i would at least have the decency to get better grades to show her something more worthwhile. =/ it sure makes me strive to want to do better. let's just hope this feeling last for another a mnth or so.
and i really feel like i'm a lucky girl. sometimes i think to myself what have i done to deserve such awesome people in my life and then i'll think that i'm not good in anything and what have i to offer the people that loves me and what can i do to help the people i love. and i just wish that my company and maybe optimism and fun happy side would be enough. :) and even if it's not it just makes me love them even more for still being there for me and with me. hee! and i really am lucky to have a boyfriend who is geeky and perfect in every other way possible. you may not be perfect as an individual but i really do believe that we're perfect together and as a couple. haha! thanks for doing so much for my birthday and be so so awesome being understanding and tolerating. you make me look forward to my birthday and for once i'm really really excited for it. haha! and thanks piggo. for wanting to help me in every way possible. you're just such an amazing friend that i really think i did some really good deed in my past life to have you as my friend in this life. :')
i guess it's just one of those days where you're really thankful of everything and just feel like everything is perfect and you're the luckiest bitch alive. haha! somehow i tend to forget somewhere along the way and i'm glad i found it again. so now just get back in the books. if not for me then for everyone that loves me and wants the best for me.
thanks for always being there and i'm real lucky to have you guys in my life.

Cause I don't wanna lose you now  
I'm looking right at the other half of me  
The vacancy that sat in my heart 
Is a space that now you hold 
Show me how to fight for now
Mirrors - Justin Timberlake

my hall production's over! it was a really really amazing experience and it's pretty cool! hee! learnt something new everytime and i'm glad to be part of it even though it was eating up lots of my time and it got me so busy i'm losing sleep. but still, i'm proud that i did it and i would say it's COOL! ^^ would want to do it again if possible. haha!

anyway, school's almost halfway gone already and with most of my hall stuff to be basically finished and over, i got to get my head back to study and start getting real! at least now i have friends to study with. kinda cool. haha!

so things have been going so crazy fast and so busy that there isnt any time to take a breather to just stop and think. things sure isnt going great with love. guess some things just cant be mixed together. and i'm always quick to anger and not able to forgive easily now so too bad i guess.  it needs two hands to clap. and i really believe that if she really meant to make it she would but i guess it's not enough. but life goes on and i think it's also good. at least i know how much effort it is for my friends to make it. and i really really appreciate it. thanks pig and youm! i know yi would want to come but studies first! i now understand. =) (sorry pig for the previous time, i was a bitch) and thanks for the flowers! heehee! i love it! ^^

ahhh so tired. lets really hope i have the motivation to get through for the rest of the study year then. jiayou. =)

there's been so much talk recently about what am i gonna do in the future. what's my aim? what do i really want to get out of uni? and then i think what i want to get out of uni is to GET OUT of uni. but then i dont think it's supposed to be like this. haii. is it so wrong to just want to laze around and just occasionally go to work? it's not like i dont want to work foreverrrr! just not everyday. =/ i need to snap out of it. i need to find a goal in life. i want to not work and just have lots of money! okay impossible. haii life sucks. everyone's saying, just enjoy life! live life to the fullest! dun live with any regrets! go! travel! mingle! make friends! blah blah. bitch please. if it's so easy i wouldnt be stuck here trying to understand wad the shit is all those useless formulas.
just saying. okay. i'm bored.

new sem is gonna start and so not looking forward to it. ever since uni started so much things have changed. i see my friends around me grow up and learn things that are not taught in uni. we learn more about life. see things clearer. and believe in ourselves a little bit more. and now another sem is gonna begin and i dunno how much change would be happening again. but then among all these changes i'm just glad that a few things stayed the same. haha! and as usual i shall not jinx it so i shall not say what it is. but well, i'm just glad that things stayed the same. =)
this year is where friends around me turn 21. how fast we grow! oh god. i can't imagine. one step at a time. =)

late at night and nth better to do and i just had to go look through the old photos.
it just brings back so much memories. Krabi trip, Laos! omg. and so much old photos with WWY. and i wasn't that fat before. oh god. it just makes me miss all those times! oh god. and now all there is left is just hall stuff. i mean i have fun and everything. but it's still not the same as before. poly time was where i had my fun. my life. i love it. and i miss every single thing about it. nothing is just the same. things change. and uni sucks and hall just feels like this fake place in my life that i try to make things look happier than it seem cause the rest of my life sucks and it's the only place where i can make it feel like things are alright again.
i dunno. i'm only two and a half years left with uni. i hope i can get through it. and if somehow or rather i'm able to make uni life awesome then tt's good. but no matter how awesome it is i know that it would never be the same as poly. at this moment i just wish i can tell everyone in my poly life that make it so awesome that i miss them right now.
okay just saying.
haiii.

i just need the force to be with me for the next two and a half weeks. please please please.

Self Pep Talk

5 more weeks till school is officially over! =) jiayou alison hang in there. for now your regiment shall be wake up go school, GO FOR ALL LECTURES (stop skipping lectures) go back hall and sleep then wake up do miscellaneous important hall stuff and start studying again till late then sleep. you know you can do it. it's just 5 more weeks. =) and know that you're not alone. what you're going through there are hundreds of other people going through the same thing too. you may not be the brightest but remember that you're not the worst either. i hope. haha! i really hope that i am not one of those lousy students. but it's ok. have faith. just work hard and you'll be able to get the results you want. let's just really hope and pray that i would not fail any modules. you can do better. =) believe in urself. let's go! 3 more weeks of school then exam break and let the games begin. >:D

be strong. i'm not alone in this. =)