work was cut short today! ^^
hehehe! last day of work for the year. =)
which means end of internship is just a month away!
oh god. need to look for a job alr! if not got no money to feed myself.
and the new year is here!
new year resolutions is super no use for me.. but still... i shall give myself a few.
nobody can say that i didn't try now!
hehehe!

1) exercise at least once a week.
2) STOP being late.
3) be more responsible.

i think tt's more than i could handle. =/
and i probably break new year resolution numbah TWO in less than 24 hours time.
hee! well i tried. :D

so! planning for my grad trip now! so excited. but still can't decide on where to go!
omg.
can't wait to go on a little adventure.. :D
and babe told me some things today... hehehehe!
totally made my day. no! my whole week! actually make tt my whole month!
HAHAHA! so cute omg.
who knew huh... hee! :D

and it's gonna be our favourite alien's birthday soon! yayyy! FINALLY it's her turn!
waited ONE WHOLE YEAR. LOL.
this year has really changed all of us i would say.
major life change for all of us actually. some good and some bad.
youm started uni. yi got herself a boy and started uni. pig got her heartbroken and became stronger than ever. love started on uni and kinda found herself back amidst the crazy change in surroundings. while i got myself an awesome boy that drives me crazy and brought out the other side of me that i never knew i had and taught me to love in a way that i have never loved.
=)
pig may think that it has been a shitty year.. but i honestly don't think so. this year just taught us so much and brought out the sides that we ALL never knew we had and i think we became someone that is more mature and stronger and know how to protect ourselves.
i would say that this year has been pretty awesome and fulfilling. :D
hee!
ok. shall stop before i start going REAL cheesy.

i love you. and may 2012 be a nice year for all of us!
at least until the world ends. but still.. POSITIVE THINKING ONLY! :D
love love!
and HAPPY NEW YEAR! :D

i love you.
i'm sorry that my brain and my bank of vocabulary can't get pass these three words.
but it's all i could do to show how much that means.

so scary and surreal to feel like this.
just wish i wouldn't have that niggling feeling at the back of my mind that something bad would happen but at the same time i couldn't have asked for more and i think i can explode with the love i have in me.
i just want to hug you. till we're one and we have no idea where you start or where i end.
this is so cheesy and so not me but still.

i'm just a hopeful, secretly romantic cynic.

sometimes it sucks to be understanding.
sometimes all i want to do is just yell and scream and be bloody unreasonable that i'm the pain in the ass for everyone.
sometimes i just want to be a prissy bitch.

life has been pretty hectic crazy and tiring.
every single day would be spent with meeting someone. and when i'm not.. i'll be busy catching up on my sleep... which is never the case.
youm's birthday just passed by in a flash.. maybe it's just me.. but it just feels like all of us are just so busy with our own lives. lots of problems that we had gone through or been through or going through but somehow we just doesn't tell each other anymore..
we hardly ever meet each other and when we do we just not say anything so that we doesn't really spoil the mood. and somehow tt just kinda change things between us.. maybe it's just me.. but it seems like the feeling when we're together isn't the same anymore..
guess the difference of our lives just caught up to us. but that's not to say that we don't think or love each other anymore.
all of us just been trying to cope with the changes. but then again... i guess we're just all counting on the fact that we're still gonna be there for each other no matter what happens.
life isn't going to be the same anymore. whether we like it or not.. it's gonna be different. whether i go to a uni or start working.. it'll still not be the same. growing up is a bitch.

constantly feeling so tired and sleep deprived.. when will i ever stop feeling like this! gosh... i need like..energy boosters or something...
sleeping 13 hours straight isn't working either! damnit.
had a pretty lazy but awesome weekend with babe. ^^
practically just sleeping through the weekend awayyyy!
need to get our ass out and moving... rollerblading, swimming, cycling...
healthy lifestyle! hehehehe! really really can't wait for christmas to comeeeee!
omg... not knowing who is gonna get me my christmas present is killing meeeeee! HAHAHAHAHA!
so excited! :D
and love is gonna be away for three weeeeeeks! omg.
i'm gonna just die. one more less sms partner when i'm bored at workkkk! =(
sobs. it's alright. i'll survive! =)
let's get me some more sleep.
love love! :D

a thought came to me while i was working today.
more like a realization actually.
it just hit me that i keep looking forward to the end of my intern but then i never thought that it would probably be the start of my working life already.
i mean... i still hope to go to uni obviously... but.. what if i can't get in? then? i'll just have to look for a job. =/
but. what job? i sure as hell wouldn't want to have a job that is 8-5. i don't want to get stuck in the rat's race and then find myself thinking what the hell am i doing it for. i want to look for a job that i like. that i want. that i enjoy and probably wouldn't dread waking up everyday morning and drag myself to work.
i haven't figure out what yet. but probably something that doesn't make me sit behind a desk all day. but at the same time something that allows me to have some time to sit down at a desk and have my own desk too. something that would bring me to places that i have nv been too.
i think i want too much but then i believe there probably would be such a job but just that i havent found it or discovered it yet. or either there is such a job but my qualifications just doesn't allow me to do tt. =/
i just hope for now that i can get into a uni.
get myself back in those books and then worry about it later on. and i really want to try and fulfill dad's wish too. =/
it's alright. things will work out and i'm sure i'll find a way that would satisfy my wants.
worse come to worse. i'll just go back to Panasonic and be a lameass office worker.
at least i still get to see airplanes takeoff and land right in front of my office door.

it's a mad mad world.

like suddenly nth to do!
got so bored with surfing the web and no more ddd or himym or new girl to watch anymore!
no one to talk to or irritate...
went online shopping but it's just got boring and didn't see anything i like.. =/
just walking around aimlessly... feels like life has no meaning.. =/ or maybe i'm just too bored...
huh.
can't wait for work to be overrrrrr! just 11 more weeks! 11 more! omg. get over this week... then december would come! once december come then christmas would be here! YAYYYY! aft christmas then new year! then chinese new year! =) then then then END LIAOOOOO! omg omg omg. okok... so i'll just have to survive another 4 more weeks of nth! then the excitement would begin!
i shall train my work stamina! to not be so tired and like a dead zombie after work! sleep earlier! healthier.. less pimples. ^^
and i realised tt guys in my work place are pretty bitchy. =/
so scary... they're mean. and you dunno when they are really nice to you or if they are sarcastic. =/ why like tt?! tsk! ouh well... it's ok... shall just keep my head down and do my own thing.
hehehe! shall go celebrate and probably party once intern is over! :D
office work is just too mundane.. blehhhh!
sometimes it feels like it's really really never ending! but then at times it feels like.. damn it's gonna be over super fast tt everything would be fine.. but yea... my crazy emotions are just making my head go crazy.. =/
i think the medicine is doing my head in and i dun think i'm making much sense.. =/
better get off here! BYEEEE!

may the force be with meeeeeeeee!

christmas is coming! :D
i love christmas! i love the cold rainy weather where everyone around you is just complaining and whining about the wetness.
c'mon! rain is awesome! think bout it.
when was the last time you just walked in the rain.. not thinking whether your electronics would get wet. not thinking whether you will get scolded by ur parents cause you just walked in the rain and probably fall sick.
i love those hot steamy showers after a cold day and you just stand under the water feeling the heat surrounding you.. ^^

anyway. lots of things happened! from japan trip... to something something. then start of internship. and the whole scrambling and trying to make babe's birthday awesome (which i think i did a pretty good job ^^) and the whole crazy epic night then is just crazy and badass at the same time. gosh.
so tired nowadays. trying not be late for work and trying to keep my eyes open and survive through the day is just so hard!
i feel bad for not meeting love or yi and pig more often. =(
somehow some things kinda changed. everything feels so off now.
just living each day by each day. if internship feels like tt.. then.. wad would a real job feel?! it'll be double the shitness.
=/ my brain isn't functioning now.
i just miss the good old days.
not asking for much.
just gimme how things are two months back.

if it's meant to be then you'll see.

yay! so attachment is finally confirmed! =)
for a moment i really thought tt i/we wouldn't get it. but hee! somewhere up there i think someone just love me.. ^^
but then i again i dunno wad to expect for internship and it probably would suck but hey! it's better than the alternative..
got a feeling tt i would have times where i think why the hell did i wish for this internship but then i guess i'll just have to pull it through and survive the 15 weeks. =) i can do it! :D

feels like lots of things have happened all these while.. and this holiday have just gone through so much changes.. not to me personally.. but just people around me...
mostly good though. =) so i'm not complaining.
japan trip was probably the suckiest holiday i've ever been to.
it just feels like the more we grow up and have a mind on our own.. it's just really damn hard to survive a trip just mainly with the family.
or maybe it's just my family tt's driving me crazy but then i dun think so.
just had so much of them for 8 days straight tt i really just need some distance again before i just go crazy and start a bitching session.

just another 5 days of fun to go.. =)
let's hope things would go well..
and i'm so glad to be over school alr!
some ppl just need to shove their juvenile ass up their mouth.
just saying. :D
you know you love me! cause i love you too! heh.

couldn't stay away, couldn't fight it.

scary.
seriously. ignorance is bliss.
shld not have known anything at all.
ok. i've known it alr. just tt it came back again.
super scary.. like the world is suddenly this cold place.
like.. you really can't trust anyone.
even when frens who you think is close to you and treat you super nice on the surface is just a farce.
what the hell is this world?
damnit.
probably kinda just screw up something.
ouh well. may or may not matter anyway.
haiz. life's scary.

all i can say is tt... thank whoeveritisupthere for love yi pig and youm!
wad am i gonna do without them.
hope this world has more love than i thought there is.

and you couldn't have love me better.

i may have finally put my finger on why i'm feeling what i have been feeling recently.
the feel of wanting to do new things and trying out crazy stuff and just to feel crazy.
i guess it's just that people around me are just going on happily with their life and doing stuff like nth has change that i feel like everyone's moving ahead of me and leaving me behind.
guess having friends who go into uni isn't just affecting their own lives but also the lives of the people arnd them.. (or maybe it's just me)
it's kinda scary. i dunno. i dun like feeling this way.
but i'm pretty sure that i'm not the only one who thinks that way too.
ouh well. things sure are getting kinda weird though.

if it's meant to be, then you will see.

holidays!
it's going crazy.
i dunno... so many things are happening i don't even know where it start or even where it stops.
everything's just going on simultaneously that i just can't be bothered to follow up anymore.
probably the weirdest holiday ever and it's just started only.
lost friendships are found (hopefully) and some friendships just start going weird.
guess somewhere along the way we just got lazy to contact one another and blaming each other is the easiest thing to do.

in the past, things around me just keeps changing. but that's fine. since change is a constant. and also it just feels like even though things are changing the anchor of my world is still gonna keep me in line. to give me a strong hold and to allow me to see a bigger and better picture of what's going on.
but then now i guess the anchor of my life are also changing along with every other thing in the world. feels so lost for a moment and still trying to find a way back and to hold down that anchor so that it would stop moving.
have you ever sit in a teacup? and you just keep twirling the wheel so that you'll just go round an d round and round until your world just starts spinning out of control?
yea. that's wad it feels like. only it doesn't stop.

i think we just keep trying to keep up with things and to make things look or feel awesome and basically just rushing for something that we don't know what is it that we're rushing for.
it's like suddenly you stop and then think.
wad's all these crazy ass scrambling around for.
i dunno. so confused. so lazy. so tired. to think of anything.to figure out what all this is about and wad exactly is going on with life. my life.
it just feels.. out of the world and nth seems to feel the way it is supposed to feel.
or maybe it wasn't supposed to feel like that in the first place.
huh. see. confusing.
shall stop all the mindfk and go sleep.
and i need to stop being a weakling. it's not bringing me anywhere. and not doing any good for me.
get a grip.

we were never meant for do or die.

sisters are the most fked up species ever.
they can treat you oh so nice when their mood permits them and just fk you up whenever they feel like it.
seriously. and it's just sisters. it doesn't occur to brothers!
it's really amazing how their attitude is so changeable and it's just so fking irritating.
note to self: nv ever expect things to stay awesome or chummy with sisters when things are going well. you never know when they would feel the need to fk your life up or give you grieve at tt time just because they feel like it.
i'm not going to deny tt i probably does the same thing as them... after all.. i'm still a sister.
just that i'm pretty sure i dun give them grieve or fk their life up as often as i would like.
fk sisters seriously.
can't live without them. can't live with them.

ohmygod. so high right now.
totally didn't study much today. gonna just do my paper with whatever i have with me up in my head.
die. think i'm complacent and tmr's paper gonna be hard!
not like knowing that helps cause i'm still not doing anything!
ouh well... in party mode alr. =/
not goooood. gosh.
maybe putting the tough paper first isn't really a good idea.
or maybe it is.
i dunno.
i'm going crazyyyy! omg.

i miss yi! i miss youm! i miss pig! i miss love!
feels so out of the world during exam period. omg.
and my body clock is so screwed.
not having my 12hrs sleep a day is killing my body.
i think i'm going to have a brain damage.
how?!
omg. i want to shop.
and go to the beach. and go running. cause i'm getting fat even though lots of people tell me that i'm skinnier.
hehehe. i dunno who to believe.
how?! i think i'm going to be anorexic!
GASPPPPP!
quite impossible with the way i eat.
maybe bulimia. hehehe.
ok not funny.
not gonna happen. bulimia is a stupid thing to do.
such a waste of food.
why would anybody do tt?!
just shit it out!
ok. not making much sense. damn....
i think having a tattoo on the shoulder blades are sexy.
but don't worry. i'm not gonna do anything crazy!
omg. maybe i shld follow pig and get a naval piercing. that way i can have some motivation to try and keep my tummy flat!
hehehe. nahhhhh... too scary. and expensive!

can't wait for my papers to be over!
then can go shopping! omg. can't wait for shopping!
but i'm so broke now...
damn. been spending money like it's freeeee!
lalalalalalala. i wanna shop with the girlz!
come to think of it.. i dun think we have really went shopping with ALL four of us right?!
maybe we did.. just tt it's been so long tt i dun even rmb. huh.

and i'm seeing babe almost every single day!
omg. NOT GOOD!
now i'm gonna have withdrawal syndrome if i dun see him daily!
dieee.... i'm so sorry that you need to take so much shit from my family!
omg. feel like just wearing a bullet proof vest and stand in front of you and then shield you from all these shit!
hehehehe! so sweet right? omg.
my family treat you like shit dun care k?!
i treat you super awesome can alr! :D
sorry... =(
you know i love youuuuu!

haiz.. seriously lorh.. thot she would be the one who would understand.
who knows. ouh well.
treat her damn bad now.. omg. cold shouldered her.. =/
make me so guilty! feel bad for treating her like tt! HOW?!
haiz. not good to have a conscience. cause i can't be a real bitch.
omg.
and i'm damn damn hungry now.
but so lazy to take out my retainers and eat. then brush and then put back my retainers.
shall ignore the grumble of my stomach!
yes i can!

i'm going crazy on twitter.
somebody stop meeeee!

infinite.

it's been a really long time since i have this feeling alr.
this feeling of not liking any of my family members...
i rmb having this feeling during secondary school days.
and to get through that period of time it was just the thought of having awesome frens arnd me.
parents are just so controlling and all you want to do is just break out of this hold/hole.
and my sisters are just bitches whose main sole purpose is to make my life living hell by bitching on every single thing that you do or have not done.
gosh... i just really want to get away from this place...
it's just so sickening and somehow even though i've grown up it just doesn't seem like they registered that i have grown up.
do. not. like. to. be. home. now.
=/
been awhile since i thought that my family's fked up.
ouh well.

you know one of those moments where you don't really want to do or think about anything right now?
and all you want is just sit with that someone that you love and just enjoy their company?
it doesn't have to be anywhere. but preferably the beach. or just an empty ground.
with nothing but just the two of you.
it would be really awesome to just lay there and bask under the glory of those twinkling bright stars above you.
small little conversations to know that they are still there enjoying the moment with you.
little whispering touches on your skin to show that they love you.
it may not seem much. but then at that moment you know that it's all you ever wanted in your life.
and nothing ever seems more important at that moment.
it feels like you've been living your life all along just for this moment.
don't you see? it's the littlest things that matter.
life's simple as long as you're in it.

knew the motivation to do well in exams isn't going to last.
so lazy now. feel like just slping all the way through the week.
=/
but then come to think of it. it could probably the last time i'm gonna take my exams in my poly years!
that is if i get into a company that wants me to play arnd for 6 mnths with them. which i highly doubt so.
ouh well. my poly life are gonna be over soon. i'm getting old! soon i gotta start working. how mundane.

and i've been eating constantly the whole day! omg.
constantly looking for food to shove down my throat. i'm getting fat. so lazy to even get my ass out and run.
and i feel like eating more foooooood! ahhhh.
sis bought a pack of Garrett popcorn. and i pretty much just single handedly polish everything off. omg.
die. must be the exam stress.. but i haven even started studyinggggg.
dieeeeee.
if i start studying i'll just live in a mini mart... or a grocery store.

i'm bored. i haven been doing anything for the whole day!
i just slept and eat and sleep more and eat some more.
life's boring. where's those crazy ass days.
i dun even rmb how i usually spend my saturdays.
huh.

lazeeeee...lazeeeeee lazeeeeee...
ok! i'm off to eat crabbbbb! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
live to eat man. :D

take me to infinity.

yay! :D i've finished PINS report! i'm done!
hehehehe! now i'm gonna rest and let my brain rot for the rest of the week before squeezing all the brain juice out next week to get ready for exams!
i really got to study twice as hard. i've got a point to prove.
it probably wouldn't have matter that much a few days ago.. but right now. it means everything and it would be important for me to prove that my grades are still awesome.
it's alright. i'm sure i can do it. i've done it before i can do it again.
let's just hope there's enough brain cells and juice for me. =/
and that the motivation would last me through two weeks.
please please please. jiayou alison! i can do it! =)

lots of things kinda happened.
love and youm start uni alr. i hardly see youm anymore. dun even hear frm her (ahem!) and yi's gonna start her school soon! thursday is gonna be a sacred day... yi would be free and love would be too!
omg. and school is gonna end soon! =) if i'm crazy enough maybe i'll just travel down to pioneer and look for youm. hehe!

and pig... i know i give you lots of grieve about your decision. you know wad? you shld just ignore me. follow your heart again i guess. shit won't happen again after so many shit has happened right? hahaha!
we shld totally just do wadever we want right now. if you want to eat till you're fat... do it now. if you just want to be lazy and laze... do it now. if you want to go crazy and bungee jump or skydive... do it now. before the world ends next year!
just do wad you want and follow and not think bout anything too much for now. do it. and if the world is really gonna end next year.. then well.. at least you did the things that you wanted to do right? no regrets. and if the world doesn't end and we continue to live... and there are consequences for doing the things that we want to do... then we shall think bout it again when the world doesn't ends right?
hahaha! omg. am i making any sense? i'm just talking rubbish. ouh well.
but wad i'm saying is. do what you want now and think of the consequences later.
i dunno where tt come from.. but yea.
heh.

babe, i love you. i know you said you don't want to think bout it anymore and you don't want to care bout it for the time being... but i just really want to say tt i'm sorry again. i can't change the past but i can still change the future. i'll do wad i can to turn it all arnd. you deserve at least that. when there's a will there's a way right? it's gonna be worth it. although sometimes it feels like it's not worth it... it's still worth it. at least then i can say tt i tried. no regrets. =)
but either way... let's just enjoy wadever we have right now alright? who knows maybe the world end next year and dun need to think of all tt shit alr! hehehe!
if the world dun end next year then we'll just see how lah huh.
LOL!
i really really love you!
you're awesome. ♥
AND I FINISHED PINS ALR! HAHAHAHA! :D
i'm awesome. ^^

love is the strongest power there is.

so so so so tired.
dying alr. pins report is crazyyyyy! my brain isn't functioning anyway.
adding beer/oil/fuel isn't going to help!
everything's just so crazy these days.
on the bright side... all i have left now is just 1 report! ^^
yay me! :D
can't wait for this sem to be really over and done with!
and i really can't think of anything liaoooo...
shall blog again soon! heh.
loveeeee! :D ♥

i love the smell of my smelly. =)
it smells so homey. and cosy. and heartwarming.
and i dun care if it's so flat you can't feel it. cause it always feels full when i hug it! hee!
isnt that wad's all about? all good and awesome things are things that you can't really touch but makes you feel so good that it'll make you smile?
hahaha!
=)

and recently i've been trying to make sense of what's going on around me.
but after all these time.. i couldn't.
so i guess maybe things doesn't have to make sense. because it just is. cause life is like that. it likes to fk ppl up. then make things right. maybe because that way, people would then realise wad awesome life they had last time and make you cherish the moments more?
i dunno. ouh well.
all these things happening recently just put things into a whole new perspective.
but things happened for a reason. so shall not read into it too much. not gonna change anything anyway.
sometimes thinking too much or reading too much into something would just give you the adverse effect.

alright. one crazy week coming up.
2 more quizzes. 1 presentation. 1 interview. 1 report to finish.
ok. not gonna fret just yet. it's alright. i can do it.
i'm gonna do this shit.
=)

The most interesting thing about heart implants is that one completely loses his heart to be replaced by someone else’s, yet still has feelings for the same person he or she loves. This proves that love works in the minds of people and not in their hearts. Bottomline is, love is a state of mind. You’ll learn how to forget only if you try doing so.
-Grey’s Anatomy

you know that it's a scary feeling.

it shouldn't hurt that much.
don't even know where it starts or where it ends.
not gonna think bout it cause every thought would just lead to a place where i do not wish to be.
wish i could find that alison where she isn't afraid and doesn't back down that easily.
i'm not practicing wad i preach and i hate myself for that.
coward.

to think that such words were even running through those minds.
how i wish it doesn't hurt.
how i wish i could go around acting like nth had happened.
how i wish i could let go of it so quickly and easily.

not gonna go the easy way anymore.
may be the worst timing ever but it's time that something are done.

but for you, i'll make believe.

waiting for pictures to be uploaded to the lame ass school wiki portal.
probably the stupidest shit ever invented. and it's taking forever just to upload one single picture.
and i have like 5 million to upload.
fk.
i suddenly feel like i'm going to drown in a pool of shitty work.
it feels like i'm trying to swim and keep my head up and not go under the water but somehow it just feels like huge ass waves are just crashing down on me unrelentingly and it's just so fking hard to breathe and even though you try to deliver some work out it's just shitty and you might as well not do anything.
this is getting retarded. trying so hard for the sake of wad?
sometimes it's just so much easier if the world is really gonna end next year.
then i wouldn't worry so much shit and then think of the things that i would have to do.
huh. i'd rather just marry off and be a tai tai. but then tt's everyone's dream right?
why is it that when we dream we have to dream big?
why can't we just dream small? i mean at least then the dreams are much easier to come true and able to fulfil right?
it'll be stupid to dream so big like... i want to be a millionaire. when you can dream... i just want to earn enough so that i can go overseas and travel.
isn't that so much easier? who needs to earn a million dollar just to not be able to spend it cause you're so busy working?
i dun need some high paying job. as long as i can have my three..ok.. maybe four meals a day and then maybe some extra money to do stupid stuff like watching movie.
after that save the rest and once you have enough then you travel.

ouh well.
easy to talk. hard to do.
fkkkk. life's a bitch. life's retarded. stuck in a vicious cycle.
yay.
gosh. all i want is to just get through this semester.
get it over and done with quick.
without any glitches or stupid problems.
is that too much to ask for? =/

to oblivion.

Gemini's can have feelings of depression but by no means will they let this seen by anybody. They want everybody to believe that they are always cheerful and that stress never affects them.
-zodiacchic

did i mention school is crazy?
yea i think i did. like a million times.
it's alright! it'll be over soon. i can do this!
it'll be over soon and before i know it it'll be holidayyyyy! :D
mind over matter. mind over matter. i can finish everything!
2 more presentations. 2 individual reports. 1 group report. hell lots of quiz and exams.
LET'S GO!

long live.

school's gonna start being crazy.
reports quiz presentations exams.
you name it. they got it. we do it.
really really need to get my head back in the books.

anyway. watched Harry Potter today with love! =)
was not too bad. and love was going on and on about how Harry Potter is over just like that and our childhood has just came to an end and it's just so sad...
but then i guess so...
makes me rmb the times when i would just stay up real late to read those books.
reread the previous ones to read and know where it start to the newest volume.
using a small torchlight that is so dim and just keeps turning off in the middle of the night to finish reading the book.
read till your eyes feel like it's gonna pop out any minute but still you don't want to put it down cause it's just too awesome.
waiting for an eternity for the new book to come out.
thank whoeveritisupthere that mum works at the post office and that they sell HP books and i'll get to have them on the day it releases without having to queue up.
wow. memories...
heehee! all that seems ghey now but hey! tt's my childhood.
i'm proud of it! =)

it just reminds me of all the other things in my life that i had once but not anymore.
like that primary school best fren i had who became bitchy in secondary school.
that old tattered building of our secondary school that became some lame ass new and cleaner building. (i miss the square staircase! with those stupid ugly window panes that's being painted over by some ghey seniors.)
and i miss that fugly school uniform! i even rmb that the white collar and the white extra thing at the end of the sleeve means that maybe someday we will be able to have a white collar job.
i miss those retarded crazy moments where youm and i just hug each other and having weird stares shot at us.
those bitching moments at the back of the class. those cannot stand amanda moments (rmb those pig?). and the whole elaine saga?
HAHAHAHA! oh gosh. amazing how important those things felt like last time but now that we look back at it it just seems so juvenile it's a wonder how we even do those shit!
and and and i miss my Laos trip!
oh my god. i'd turn back in time for that. there really isn't a moment where i wish that i was back home.
all those cranky mornings. weird food. cheese naan. painting. getting our hairs splattered with paint. including some leg hairs. playing with adorable kids. THE MOTORBIKE! crazy party and drinking moments. ahhhh. good times. nono! AWESOME times.
everytime on fb i'll see those ppl we know in Laos post some status about anything and it's just... sad.. that they're getting on with their lives and it just makes me think that if they miss us. and still think of us. and whether their lives are still the same cause i'd like to think that we made an impact on their lives and maybe it would be better.
i dunno why am i thinking bout all these.. =/
ah ouh well.
life goes on.
and i'm real hungry right now.
huhhhh.
bye! :D

it's just a phase.

in a fat mode.
been a while since i feel fat.
huh. so god damn lazy to get my ass moving.
haiz. but i shld really start running and swimming. =/
guess those fats tt i ran away during the 21km is back. =(
ouh well.
how i wish tt i'm really those who eat as much as i want and not get fat.
the most tummy come out then after food is digested then gone liao.
haiz. stupid fat genes.
if only it could go away at the snap of the fingers.
gone. poofed. DISAPPEARED! :D
yea right sure.
then there wun be any fat ppl in the world liao.
ouh well..
too many skinny guys in sg. need some fat girls to even up the ratio.

anyway! kpop concert was not too bad.
still... i wouldn't want to go again.
the front was really boring and basically everyone in the stadium was just waiting for 2ne1 and BigBang to perform.
the whole stadium just went crazy when they performed.
it was THAT awesome.
but still... 300plus dollars for an hour of awesome act.
i'd rather spend it on something else lah.
ouh well. okok. shall stop being an ungrateful bitch.
:D

gosh. i need to start doing and working on my assignments and projects.
it's such a pain in the ass. =/
need to buck up if i want to at least maintain my gpa.
getting all B is just gonna kill all the hope of going into a uni.
then i'll get fked by my parents and then yay! awesome.
ahhhhhhhhh ok.
just 7 more weeks.
or 6?
fkkkkk.
bye.

i just wish...

so! everyone's just busy with their own lives.
youm's super busy with camps. yi's just working watching drama enjoying life before uni starts. pig's trying to survive one day at a time. love's preparing to start uni. babe trying to cope with everything. and i'm trying to just finish one assignment and getting through one week by one week.
since when does life gets so hectic and crazy and everywhere but nowhere at the same time?
don't have time to spend with each other but trying every possible ways to look for time.
oh gosh. growing up sucks.

projects. reports. tests. exams.
it's never ending.
and it's depressing! blegh. not worth going crazy over.
shall just take it one at a time.
rushing everything and fretting over it would get the job done. but so does slowly taking ur time and last minute work.
so yepp. not gonna give too much shit bout it.
just try and get through the semester.
can't wait for holidays.
at least a break from all tt crazy shit.
sometimes it just feels like you lost focus and have no idea what you're really working for or towards.
and what is the whole point of doing all this.
guess i just need to keep in mind the things that i want and try and focus and settle the shit one by one.
it's not that hard lah! i can do it! =)

4 more weeks to end of projects. reports and crazy ass stuff.
7 more weeks to end of semester.
let's do this shit!

:D

was that too much to ask for?

i'd give you a koala bear hug in a heartbeat.

you know what would be awesome now?
lying on the beach. shades on. working on another tan. fine. i'll put lots of sunblock. with the music on. read a good book. and just laze on the beach.
or or or i don't mind going to a water theme park! slides. wave pool. more slides. hehehe.

the weather's awesome todayyyy!
and i'm lazing at home. probably lots of shit to do but just so lazy.
but at the same time feels so restless.
ohmygod. it feels like thre's pins on my butt and i can't sit properly...
LALALALA.
i'm bored.
this post is redundant.
i'm gonna sleep. bye. :D

so. fking. tired.
i think my brain stopped functioning.
amazing how i can still blog.

shopping today with pig was pretty awesome! =)
got my stuff and probably the first time i shopped till my leg cramped!
LOL!

got fked real bad by my parents. usual shit. but this time round the shit hit the fan.
getting sick of it alr.
recently kept thinking how nice it is to just have my own place...
like really really.. go hostel stay would also be fine..
then i think it'll really be awesome if i could be something like how the americans do it.. 18 or 19yrs old then they alr start looking for apartments and thinking of moving out from their parents.
then i will think bout how nice it would be to reside in the states and probably just get out from all this shit.
bring pig yi youm love along with me.
then life would really just be awesome.
can party all day go out real late reach home at 3 4plus am for all i care and no one would give a fk.

haiz. i dunno. just suddenly feel so fking tired.
want to fight back but there's no energy left to fight back.
whole lot of shit that i want to say out but don't have the energy to manage wadever that would happen next after i say all the shit out.
ahhhh fk it.

so! july's here... soon it's gonna be august.
then youm's gonna start uni and love too. then yi would start hers also.
youm would be staying at some ulu place where i can't teleport there in 30mins.
and then we would meet up even less and then everything would be just awesome.
yay.
well.. at least pig and yi's still kinda near me!
and maybe love too.. =/

it just really feels super weird and weird and did i mention WEIRD?!
that that that two of us are gonna start uni life alr.
wadever happened to secondary? and jc/poly life?!
why so fast?!
why isn't anyone listening to my wish of staying at a certain age? 18 is fine. 19 is NOT.
i want to be Peter Pan. i want. i don't want to grow up. and start thinking of wad to work as or where i want to go after poly and wad not.
why whyyyyyy?!
wish there's a compass for life.
at least we won't be lost then.
it's weird that yi youm and love's going uni. IT'S WEIRD.
like how we see our sec 3 guy frens on the first day of sch and they are all wearing long pants kind of weird.
GET WHAT I MEAN?!
like... ohmygod they grew up overnight. shit.
=(

and i'm going for kpop wave concert. =/
and i'm not a single bit excited bout it.
haiz.. i feel like i'm wasting it.. and like i'm a lucky bitch who doesn't appreciate wad she has.
but it's not tt i don't appreciate it! it's just tt i think love would love it more than i would if she has the ticket. =/
i think selling it to someone else is much better than giving it to me who does not really want to go.
i'm so over the kpop stuff alr. =/ big bang or not.
haiz. how?! it wouldn't be nice if i tell alina tt i dun want to go right?! =/
damn.

and school is getting sucky and i'm not being able to spend time with the ppl i want.
and timetable and schedule just sucks big time cause it keeps clashing with babe's pig's and everyone else it's just irritating and sucky.
i'd much rather not see babe for a few whole days and then just really spend one whole day with him than to see him bit by bit every single day. =(
life sucks.
and i think it'll just gonna get worse.
okok.. shall not be too realistic and just stay focus on the present for now.
either way it's still better than the alternative.
i'll take wad i can for now! =)

anyway! when i was working at isetan.. everytime i see girls who wear shorts and has such nice legs and asses it just makes me wants to kidnap them then chop off their legs and implant them on myself. =/
i think if i'm a guy i'd be a leg person for sure.
i'll just stare at their backsides for i dunno how long and then think.. oh god i'm staring at some other girl's asses and tt's pervertic.. and then i'll look away but not before thinking and wishing that i have such nice legs too.
it's just so sexy and i love it when girls with nice asses and long legs wear short shorts and especially if they are tan! ohmygod.
so jealous! i think a little bit of yi is in me.
and i'm going crazy
and i'm damn tired so ciao!
lovelove!

for Youm.

for Yi.


for Pig.

because i love you.

i guess you could say life is going back to it's usual order.
school's gonna start in two days and then it would be back to the usual sucky timetable and lots of crazy projects and work and studying and not being able to meet up!
not like having holidays make any difference lahhh but still!
anyway! babe's gonna take his driving test sooooon! guess i could sacrifice some meeting up time for him to go for his driving lessons...
sacrifice a big part now to fulfill a much BIGGER AND BETTER part later! hehehe!
you better pass! if not make my sacrifices go for nth! and NO! not wanting to send me home is not a good excuse for you to fail ur driving test! IDC!
haiz.. not looking forward to school starting.. =/
but then at least it'll be somewhat better than holidays.
i dunno. not like me preferring which one would change the fact tt i'm still going to school on monday.
ouh well.

so anyway! i've survived two weeks of work! :D and 5 days of babeless days. ^^
i'm proud of myself. heh.
and i still can't believe that lesbian/butch/whateveryoucallit tries to hit on me.
seriously?! i think i'm too cute for my own good already!
LOL! gosh. i really need some normalcy back in my life before i turn lesbian or bisexual soon.
mannnn...and i swear i feel sexually harrassed! =/
okok. shall get off this topic.. it's too wrong!

i miss loveeeeee! there's no one i could send random text and have late night bitching sessions with! it's alright.. just another week.
i can do it! =) hee!
and PIG. i know i said it alot of times.. but i really love you! know that when everything looks bleak and hopeless and just feels like it's the end of the world..
IT'S NOT OK?! you really really do still have us!
although it's just different and i know that it'll never be the same but still.. there's still US. =)
and wadever the reason it is that still keep you holding on... just try to hang on a little while longer ok? although a large part of me just wants to smack that part of you to stop holding on but i shall be awesome and supportive and ask you to jiayou! =)
i guess at the end of it.. if the outcome is wad you wish it to be then i'll be super happy for you! the fight was worth it! =)
but somehow if fate and life has to be cruel to you and things are not how it would be... at least you can proudly say that you stayed and fight and i'll be really really proud of you. :D

ok... too tired alr.
main point is! I LOVE YOU! and YI and YOUM love you and LOTS of other ppl love you! and dun ever ever forget that alright?
hee! love love! :D

ok. need start project soooooon. damnit.

i miss you even more than i could believed.
and i was prepared to miss you a good deal.

give me something to hold on while you're gone.
c'mon.. don't leave me like this.

finally got to suntan together with WWY! :D
hehehe! next time we're bringing a mat!
everywhere hurts right now. =(
don't ever hit me!
not now. i'll just scream at ur face and get pissed off.

guess we really needed today for all of us.
we've been away from each other for way too long.
singing random songs and just continue singing wadever songs that were playing in a shop and getting weird stares from strangers. =)
hehehehehe! we're weird. but awesome! :D

so many things have happened in such a short span of time.
and somehow it just doesn't seem like we're in each other's lives anymore.
we try our best to keep in contact and catch up and ask wad's going on with each of our lives but it just isn't the same.
i guess it'll never ever be the same. growing up sucks.
and it sucks even more when you know that one of us is going through a tough period and all you can ever do is do nothing and just wait for news.
you can't even be there for each other. that's just... horrible.

and pride is just such a bitch.
it makes you go back and forth with what you need to do and what you want to do.
cause as usual... what you want to do and what you need to do is just the total opposite.
and at the same time what you need to do is just not something that you want to do. EVER.
it'll always be this barrier where you dun want to do what you need to do because pride is in the way.
then you'll just make urself go crazy and thoughts go haywire just because you're not doing what you need to do.
am i making sense?
i think the sun is getting to me.

ahhh... and there's work tmr.
fk work.
i'm literally gonna have a fever.
i'm emitting heat that could be felt one cm away.
haiz. it's only till 10.
i can do this.
who am i kidding? i can't survive that for nuts.
just kill me alr.

i feel like being crazy.
there's this urge to cycle round pasir ris.. or just cycle to go find pig now.
at this not-so-ungodly-hour.
or go on a rollercoaster.
i want those real crazy ones where it loops a million times and drops from high above.
i feel like going to a shop and just sweep every single thing off the rack and just pay it with a credit card i can't pay for.
just cause i'm pretty sure the feeling would be good.
or for the time begin it would feel good.
i want to feel the adrenaline rush again.
that feel of doing something and trying hard not to get caught but there's this high risk of getting caught.
i think i'm crazy.

and there's work.
i'm so lazy to work.
but ok lah. shall go work.
it's easy money. shall shop at the same time! :D
maybe sweep everything off the rack. gonna just kop those tt are nice and reserve it! I DON'T CARE.

i miss love.
i miss pig.
i miss yi.
i miss youm.
i miss husband.
i miss secondary school life.
OHMYGOD. i saw sherlyn today!
hehehehe!

no! i'm not gonna miss you yet.
i have three days to go crazy over that.
i'm stronger than this.
not gonna think bout it. not gonna think bout it. not gonna think bout it.

a quickie before i go start studying! heh.
19th birthday was AWESOMEEEE!
got shitloads of presents! ohmygod. dun need to buy all those necessities for a year alr!
and ohmygod kpop wave concert!
bigbanggggg! *excited!

sorry yi and youm that i'm not able to spend as much time with you guys as i would like! =/
so sorry! but thanks for everything! thanks for coming all the way down to TP and find meeeee! :D
really really love you guys! and thanks pig! for making time to celebrate my birthday for me even though you're so busy! :D <3
i miss you guys already! =( gotta study for termtest.. dun think got time to meet up liao.. =(
and after term test is work! haiz.. hopefully our off days would be the same!

and love! hahaha! a failed attempt to give me a surprise to marina barrage. but still a worthy attempt..
LOL! was the first time going to marina barrage! played sparklessssssss! <3
ate junk food. talk cock. camwhored. took polaroids. hehehe!
it was a pretty awesome night! :D

oh! and of course.. alina. ohmygod. where do i even begin?!
said thanks to her for i dunno how many times alr! and it still doesn't feel like it's enough!
made me 900 hearts and stars. kpop wave concert ticket. Porter wallet. helped babe with all that stuff! got me all those presents from the clique.
gosh. owe her big time! =/

heh. and babe!
gosh. I LOVE THE WATCHHHH! hehehehe! :D
but it ticks superrrrr loud! i can hear it ticking now! and it's like 50cm away from me!
but i still love it! THANK YOU! <3
and saturday was just a freaking awesome day!
thanks so so so much! hehehe! hangover part 2. cable car ride. underwater world. walk on the beach. and dinner! ohmygod. we still haven walk to Henderson's Wave!
heheheh!
thanks a bazillion for making my birthday so freaking AWESOME!
super double duper extremely love you! =)

hahaha! so much for a quickie!
alright! i miss you girlz! =/ must meet up soon alright?
love love!
shall study hard for term tests and prove my mum wrong!
can't believe she dreamt tt i failed.
SERIOUSLY?!
okok.. better go study before i made tt dream come true.
you know i love you! :D

so fking tired.
no mood. no energy to do anything.
but there just seem to be lots of things for me to finish.

running 21km is just crazy.
never ever gonna do this kind of shit ever again.
but then again. i guess i get why ppl just go back for more even though they know it's a torture.
the satisfaction that comes after finishing the run is just priceless i guess.
it's like... ohmygod. wtf. i just finished running 21km. how did i survive tt?!
and you'll be so proud of urself.
of course. that satisfaction only comes when you're not dead tired and after having some sleep in ur system.
after the run all you want to do is just go back and accompany your bed.
but even then...any position just wouldn't do.
lying straight sucks cause your back aches.
turning to ur side would just be a bitch cause ur legs hurts.
then you gotta think of your arms.
which angle would be best so that you dun feel the muscle aches.
seriously.
sleeping was never such a torture and a bliss at the same time.

and i'm just so unmotivated to do my work now.
so tired.
all i want to do is just sleep.
probably a 24hr sleep would do.
anything less than that just wouldn't be enough. =/
don't even have the energy to feel anything.
don't have that energy to feel just how fked up things have gotten.
don't have the energy to try to make myself have some energy so i won't feel so sian.
don't even have the energy to finish this post.
bye.

whisper 'hello, i miss you quite terribly.'

finally. quizzes are over!
havent felt so hardworking in awhile.
ever since ltt it's just been lazing and waiting till the last minute of the main exam then start chiong.
kinda proud of myself actually. =) now let's just hope the result do those studying justice.

and ohmygod. sundown marathon on saturday!
think i'll just die. havent been running since i don't know when!
ouh well.. shall just go there and whack.
the most i go look for a full body masseuse.. hehehe! :D

life's been not too bad i guess.
sort of adapting. trying to make do with wad i have and try to live without those that i don't have.
miss pig yi and youm alot!
miss the hi cheeks! =/anyway... meeting up nowadays also seem different.
time spent together just wasn't enough.
ouh well.. part of the process i guess. it sucks though. =/

ahhh. life's like this.

you stole my heart and you're the one to blame.

lost Corby. =/
feels like i've just used up all my lucky chances and someone up there felt that i don't deserve Corby anymore and took him away from me.
either that or i'm just one irresponsible piece of shit.
but i'd like to think it's the former.

when i lost Corby it felt that i've just fucked up every aspect of my life.
guess some things have already happen and Corby was just the breaking point.
feel so emotionally drained now.
so tired. my head hurts like some motherfker.
and i still have CCOM to do.
ahhhh.
shall get it over and done with.

maybe good is just the absence of bad.

seriously. i want to get out of this house. and find some other place to live.
just a small bedroom or anything. i dun care.
share a small room with Yi is also fine with me.
i need to get out of the house.
it's killing me.
all the constant nagging and all that. besides. it's not my idea to get out of the house. even my mum is asking me to go find a place if i really can't stand it.
if only i have the financial ability.
seriously. once i start work. have a stable income. that's wad i'll do.
bloody hell. and i'm not even able to use the fking computer. sis have been hijacking it every single night to watch bloody cheena dramas. ohmygod.
fking hate communal living now.
and i'm pmsing. not good. does not go well with mum's constant nagging and sis's constant bitching.
fk.
get me out of here.

i hate studying.
for one. nobody likes to study.
two. it makes me want to look for food to eat. =/
three. it just sucks all the brain juice from my brain. that is to say if there is even any.

ahhh. so tired.
so sleep deprived.
freshman camp was not too bad.
think i'm getting sick of camps alr.
all the freshies are getting uglier.. =/
plus they're younger than me! don't like xiaodidis!
heh. ok. not making any sense now.

anyway. i think i need to prioritize my life.
i don't know.
it feels so stretched out.
a little bit of here.. a little bit of there.
somehow it doesn't seem enough and it doesn't solve the problem.
i think it made things worse.
either that or maybe it's just my imagination.
i'm not seeing enough of my family. not seeing enough of WWY. not seeing enough of Love. not seeing enough of him. =/
plus there's school. and studies. and quizzes. and exams.
and my bed is complaining alr.

ouh well.
it's ok! things will work out somehow or another.
brain's not functioning.
NITEZ!
you know i love you! =)

One of the most dangerous things about falling in love is the risk you take knowing that in a moment that someone could no longer be yours. So why do we do it? Why do we open our hearts to feel vulnerable and broken? Because falling in love is a human’s most divine sense of feeling. For some people the love they have never fades. It exists as long as they exist. And when the world tries to invade what they have waited so long to feel, they wrap their fingers around it and never let go. White knuckles, red palm, they never let go. But with that love comes an ache that can never be rid of. It’s that uncontrollable and unstoppable realization that you have no power over the way you feel. You are victim to the sting of love. It hurts as much as it heals. For some, that ache wears on their soul, and they find themselves forgetting why they loved in the first place. They let go, release the tension in their hand, and watch as the very thing they once held dear fades away. So why do we do it? Why do we fall in love? Because even if the person you love gives up on you, even if you give up on the person you love, what has been will never change. The way your heart felt while it did last makes the risk worth it. Never forget what you did have. Maybe one day, you will find each other again. Maybe one day, you’ll both remember why you loved so deeply. Maybe one day, you won’t. But no one can take away what your heart so fondly remembers.

the weather's slowly killing everyone.
i'm so hot i'm literally emitting heat! or maybe because i'm gonna fall sick. again. =/
okok.. shall NOT fall sick.
i shld stop eating spicy nuggets. and fried food.
HAHAHAHAHA! ya right.

damnnn i need to start studying.
NO MOTIVATION!
howwww?! =/
i need something to look forward to..
or something to push me forward.
and give me the drive to prove something wrong.

sometimes i feel like i'm greedy.
but then i guess it's natural for someone to want more after you had something good.
more of the good stuff.
like.. it's never enough and you'd wish for just one more second or just a little bit more.
but after you get one more second it's not enough. and you'd want to have another one more second.
=/
NO! dun think it the wrong way!
i dunno. it doesn't really make sense. but in some way... it just does.
hmmm..
nvm.

shall be a good girl and study!
=)

you're always there, you're everywhere.
but right now i wish you were here.

Simple Plan's BACKKKKKK! :D
it's been years since they've come out with new songs!
heehee! love them!

the weather is so fking hotttttt!
it's like a freaking suanaaaaaa!
i wanna go tan tan tan!
getting too whiteeeeeeee! NOT GOOOOD!
this weather is making me so lazy and nuaaaaaa...
lazing aroundddd... doing nthhh... looking for foooood!
hehehehe! living a pretty awesome lifeeeeee! :D

been too negative lately...
it's bad for health!
so! i shld not think too much!
everything's fine anyway. =)
looking forward to every single time i can see you again!
and every AWWY meet ups! and to see Love again!
heehee!

but then Yi got a new jobbbbbb...
which means no more lunch visits in tp!
and lesser time to meet up! =(
it's ok... physically apart.. spritually together! :D
heh. tt's gay.
i'm feeling gay! hahahaha!
too much positivity alr.
ouh well. it's better than the alternative!
I LOVE YOU GUYSSSSS! <3

going out of my head, alone in this bed.

"Nobody can teach you love. Love you have to find yourself, within your being, by raising your consciousness to higher levels. And when love comes, there is no question of responsibility. You do things because you enjoy doing them for the person you love. You are not obliging the person, you are not even wanting anything in return, not even gratitude. On the contrary, you are grateful that the person has allowed you to do something for him. It was your joy, sheer joy. Love knows nothing of responsibility. It does many things, it is very creative; it shares all that it has, but it is not a responsibility, remember. Responsibility is an ugly word in comparison to love. Love is natural. Responsibility is created by the cunning priests, politicians who want to dominate you in the name of God, in the name of the nation, in the name of family, in the name of religion — any fiction will do. But they don’t talk about love. On the contrary, they are all against love, because love is unable to be controlled by them. A man of love acts out of his own heart, not according to any moral code. A man of love will not join the army because it is his responsibility to fight for his nation. A man of love will say there are no nations, and there is no question of any fight."
— Osho

so tired.
so lazy to study for M6!
not like i would pass.
but still... i shld study right?
BUT it's so boringgggggg...
gosh. need to stop contradicting myself!
shall see my mood later. screw M6.

so!
things have not been very good.
but neither is it very very bad.
it's just the same problem all over again.
it's ok... been there done that. shall do it again.
haiz... don't mean to make it sound so pfft... but it's just so pfft... =/
kk... positive thinking alison...
be optimistic!
and i just feel like slapping tt optimistic part of me.
damn.
I NEED TO GO CLUBBING.
=/

everything seem so gloomy now...
need something to look forward to!
likeeeeeee... clubbing!
hehehehe. okok.. or the freshman camp!
new freshies.. hopefully some decent cute guys.
heh. :D

ouh well...one step at a time.
shall stand strong bout wad i believe in.
and what i want.
cause it's worth fighting for! =)
keep calm and make this last forever.
ok.. not a great believer in forever...
make it last for as long as possible.. :D
you know i love you! (L)

everyone wants something real and worth it.

she's not as strong as she seems to be.

i hate this feeling.
i hate that i feel weak. that i'm not strong enough.
i hate that what i feel depends on someone.
i hate that i feel dependent on someone.
that his or her actions would affect me.
and i would break it down into little pieces of whys and why nots.
and i would start going crazy in my head and not being able to do anything.
don't say anything or start a conversation if you don't have anything nice to say.
and it'll just slowly kill me inside.
i can't really pin point to that thing that makes me feel all these.
it doesn't make sense.
but then again.. wad does?
just when you thought you had it all figured out... you start to feel all these weird things.
why can't things ever be normal?
there's just so many words left unspoken that you don't know where to begin if you were to start.

i hate that once there was nothing to lose... but now.. there's everything to lose.
the stakes are high.
i don't like what i'm feeling right now.
like i don’t know what’s going on anymore.
like i don’t care about anything anymore.
i’ve lost motivation to do anything.
my mind is set on too many things that i'm are confused about my feelings, and i can’t explain how i feel either.
the feeling of emptiness, and feeling that barely anyone is there for me.
feeling that no one understands me anymore.
and it seems like there is nothing to look forward to anymore.

i'm fine.
what's fine?
fucked up? insecure? neurotic? emotional?
yea. i am.
it's ok.
don't ask. don't care.
it'll be gone soon.
if it's not i guess it'll just blow up sooner or later.

and she can't find a reason behind those tears.

can you make it right again?

now wouldn't that be cool!
it'll be nice to think that we're made from stardust.
heh!

and i'm homeeeee on a friday night!
gosh. i have no lifeeeeee! =/
and everyone's talking bout the royal wedding.
don't get what's the big deal is! i'd rather just watch my own wedding.
but then again...that probably won't ever happen. heh!
speaking of which! i rmbed reading or seeing somewhere...
it was saying.. when the music starts to play the wedding march, and the bride walks in and down the red carpet... everyone would turn and look at the bride.. thinking how pretty and beautiful and happy the bride is.. but no one ever turn to look at the groom!
the groom would probably look like he wants to run away and have second thoughts! and the look of doom on his face for all we know!
hahaha! i dunno.. i just find it funny.
ok... i'm going crazyyyyyyyy!

i feel like trying marijuana... hehe!
just once. i dunno. feel like doing something crazy! heh!
ok. tt's a crazy thought. i'm not thinking bout ittttt!
there's workkkkk tmr! =/
doesn't feel like there's going to be work..
i've been so lazy these few mnths! feel like it's been ages since i've worked!
ahhhh... it was nice training to be a tai tai...
but reality beckons and back to work!
i'm gonna survive through 3 days!
it can't be that bad!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
byeeeeeee!

it's wrong enough to make it feel right.

i wanna go on a swingggggggg!
heeheehee! tt feeling when you go up up and awayyyyyy!
sucks that they are demolishing playgrounds with swings instead of building more of themmmm!
=(

and i don't get the whole election saga!
it's.... gay.
i don't know.. maybe i just dun care tt much.. since wherever tt i'm living at is just fine and i dun see wad else is there tt would make it anymore awesome alr!
and i dun think i'll live anywhere else other than Pasir Ris!
ok lah... maybe it would be nice if after the election they implement or set up a club in Pasir Ris.
THAT would be awesome! HAHAHAH! :D
ohoh! or build like 10 playgrounds with swings and slides tt's super slippery you can slide down on ur front and go at a super fast speed!
the plastic ones are gay now! slide halfway ur butt stuck there.
totally defeats the purpose of a slide right?!
ok lah...but for now i shall live under a rock and ignore all tt election shit arnd me.

SO! school has been booooooooooooring.
my timetable sucks! =( not to mention my timetable is just the opposite of kuku's! =(
and everyone's asking me wad's wrong b/w me and K.
like..how am i supposed to answer to that?!
i'm not the one who fk things up.
and it somehow makes me the bad guy cause i'm ignoring her...
HELLO?! i'm the one being ignored here! how is it my fault?!
you guys think it's weird seeing us like that...
well.. try being on the receiving end of all this shit.
and the sucky thing is.. there's nth i can do to change it...
it's not that i havent tried.. it's just that some ppl are just so fked up they can't accept it...
ahhh... let's move on. it's not gonna end anyway.

other than that.. things have been ok i guess...
it's neither awesome nor horrible.
it's just..taking each day by each day. nothing to look forward.. but you don't really want to stay at this moment.
life's getting boring.
we need an adventure.
it would be totally awesome if the four of us could go overseas tgt!
i'm not asking for much.. just malaysia would do!
somewhere where there's a beach, sand, sun, and the girlz. :D
when was the last time we even went to the beach? =/
ahhh.. sg's getting boring!
and i'm getting lazy.
bye!

take a deep breath, the worse is not yet over.

ohmygod. Genting trip was... not fun!
the only part i like about it was when we took a bus down to KL and shopped for 6 hours!
and it doesn't even happen at Genting!
Genting is getting freaking boring. blahhh!
Friday was probably the worse day EVER!
was so bored.. and so sian and i miss everyone i could think of!
i'm never ever ever going to Genting ALONE with no one to accompany me (no! MUM DOES NOT COUNT!)
it was all i could do not to run back to SG!
yes. i was THAT desperate.. =/

so! first day of school today...
went to meet pig before tt!
skipped the first lecture.
probably not a good start for the new semester but i don't careeeee!
CCOM in the aftnoon was just horrible...
looks like my motivation to study and score well is slowly fading away...
knew it's too good to be true...
i'll probably just continue tap tap-ing my lectures away.. =/
damnnn.
and now i miss my LTT class... it's so much better than wadever it is now.
seriously.. the attitude and faces on some ppl faces are just... so whackable it's like they're asking for it.
and i swear...tt's one fucked up bitch i've known in my entire life.
it's amazing how it could be so different when in laos and in school.
tt's just so fked up it's wrong.
ah well. there's always fked up ppl in the world.
and since there's alr so many fked up ppl in the world... WE SHLD STOP MINDFKING OURSELVES ALR!
YES YOU! kuku!

ah. mum's getting on my nerves.
shall tune her out. too much shit for a day.
bye!

i fell in love with you suddenly.
now there's no place else i could be but here in your arms.

i'm leavinggggg.. on a jet plane...
nah.. not really! heh. leaving for Genting in.... probably a few hours?
have no idea why are we heading out so earlyyyyyy!
i'm gonna be bored to death! maybe shoot myself in the head and ask myself why the hell did i even agree to go in the first placeeeeeee...
but somewhere cooler have to be better than staying in SG sweating like some crazy woman right?!
don't miss meeee! i know you will. hehe. too irresistable! I KNOWWWW!

there's like so much i wanted to say! but i can't rmb anything...
lalalalalalala.. abit excited actually.. hehe!
looking forward to all the food i'll be eating thereeeeeeee...
okok.. cannot look for food now!
shall save the fats accumulation till i reach thereeeee...
WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!
abit high. heh!
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

you know that i'm a crazy bitch
i do what i want when i felt like it
all i want to do is lose control.

so tiredddd..
my days and dates are so jumbled up i don't know when is when anymore.
i have to constantly check my phone to remind myself which day i'm at.
it feels so weird. holiday does that to you. =/
gonna be so screwed when sch reopens.

meeting up with love yesterday and dinner with WWY just now was probably something that keep me sane and grounded.
it's like they're my anchor. with change being a constant... it's nice to know that there's at least some place that i could go back to when i drifted too far off.
and i love them for how they are always there.. =)
seriously man. how to live without you guys?! hahahaha! :D

ouh well.
it feels like i'm waiting for some impending doom to come.. =/
and i know that it's not good to keep my hopes up.. but i guess there's just this small part of me that just hope like hell that things would not be the way it would be...
i guess you can laugh at my naivety for all you want. but for now.. i'm sticking to what i want to believe in.
but still.. it's hard not to feel disappointed.
and i think my hormones are at work again. damnit.

this is getting depressing...
and i need a tan!
i'm getting white! i'm making Love happy for once!
hahahaha!
and i feel like going to avril lavigne's concert!
blah.

and i miss you so.

it's the last week of holiday alr!
school's starting soooooon! =(
not. looking. forward. to. it.
can i just go sentosa and intern?
pig! let's switch places! pleaseeeee?
damnit.

gonna finally meet love tmr! :D
hehehe! miss her super lots!
things have been ok i guess..
nothing much has change... or i shld say.. things still looks the same..
since change is constant... just whether it's a big change or a small one.

dinner with the wushu seniors yesterday was pretty awesome! =)
been a long time since we met up and probably won't meet up anytime soon after kevin leave for Luxembourg.
it's amazing how we could just transport back to those secondary school times the moment we get together...
it's like.. totally dun care bout our image and just talk loudly and do stupid stuff in public!
hahaha! :D

and i'm too lazy to blog alr. heh.
byeeee!

someday is now.

i'm back! :D
hehehehe! ohmygod! i don't want to be back! but i miss pig yi youm and love so much tt i want to be back!
it was a good trip.
nono.. make that an awesome trip. :D heh.
to say that i don't expect anything would be a lie. but wad i got from the trip was so much more than what i could ask for or expected.
some asked me so how's your trip? and i could only say that it was too awesome! cause i just don't know where to start with!
from the small children from school, those awesome moments together with him, those crazy nights where we scared the shit out of ourselves, those party rocking moments, those everyday-i'm-shuffling moments, to the bitchy ending moments and scandals...
it's just too good to be put into words!

it's all these small tiny moments that made it such a memorable and awesome 10days!
but all good things must come to an end right?
at least i have all those awesome memories with me.. =)
back to the real world and reality i guess...
not looking forward to wad's coming up but i shall take it one at a time. :D

and babe! i don't know what the future holds for us...but right now all i can say is that no matter wad happens you'll always be a huge part of my life and probably one that i'll never forget..
i think it's safe to say that this trip has brought us closer and i hope as hell it would stay that way!
whatever it is... if things are not going well (abit pessimistic lahh but still) remember the times we had and that i love you k? :D
thanks for taking care of me thereeee! LOL! and thanks for letting me try riding the bikeeee! OHMYGOD it's awesomeeee.. hehe!

byeeeee! :D

and at that moment, i swear we're infinite.

it is super scary and freaky and pretty mind blowing to know that you played a huge part in someone's life.
it's one thing to know that you're important to someone... but another to know that someone can't live without you.
you get what i mean?!
it's freaky! and so much pressure!
ok.. shall not think bout it.

clubbing yesterday night! =)
was pretty awesome! HAHAHAHA!
i'm getting too old for this! =/
my legs feels like it's going to break after that.
to think tt i actually survived 6 hours of wearing heels!
i think i'm pretty awesome!
LOL!

ohoh! AND DID I MENTION I PASSED MY BTT?!
muahahahahaha! awesome.
almost failed! omg.
but i passed anyway...
shall save moneyyyyy.. i shld start working.
shld start saving money..
so i can travel. and get my license.
and go shopping and eat lots of food!
heh. ok.
i need time and money.
i dun have time to go earn money!
or do i?
hmmm...
i'm not going anywhere with this.

i miss pig! =(
i miss lots of things!
i miss hanging out with WWY.
can you guys rmb the last time we actually just sit someplace and chat and talk nonsensical stuff?
i'm feeling weird. =/
must be the after effect.
bye.

i dare you to let me be your one and only.

imma good girl

alright... i've thought it through.
complaining and whining and bitching bout all tt unfairness isn't going to do me any good.
truth is, it'll never be enough.
even when i think it's enough it's never enough.
c'mon! i'm irresistible. everyone wants a piece of me right? :D heh.
so i shall be a good girl. or act like one. till things are alright and more or less balance. =)
guess there won't be any late nights for me for the time being.
gonna go borrow more books to kill time then.
see! it's not that hard alison! :D
right. let's just hope things would get better before i kill myself from all that good in me.

guess sometimes all i need is someone to remind me how awesome my life is.
and that i'm really a lucky bitch where people around me loves me even though i'm crazy.
you know what? i don't think i'm the crazy one here now.
i think you guys are the crazy ones!
it's crazy you guys are still there for me even though i'm so crazy and demented!
hahaha! damn i love you guys! :D

batam cable ski trip and class chalet and clubbing coming up soon!
a good thing really... get me away from all the crazy stuff going on for the time being.
might be a good thing for my parents too... make them get used to my wee bit of absence so that when i'm back in front of them they won't complaint that much!
either that or they'll just continue complaining tt i'm not there the whole time.
let's hope it's the former. heh.
not to mention Laos trip!
i'm gonna fly on the 3rd and come back on the 13! :D
kinda looking forward to 10 days of no parents supervision.
hehehe! relax girlz. i'm not going to do anything crazy!
what crazy stuff can i even do right? LOL!
alot actually but c'mon... i've never been out on an overseas school trip before!
gotta take tt chance to do something crazy right?

hehehe! alright.
let's just hope all these positive thinking sticks with me throughout this whole thing.
especially in the night.
there's even a curfew on using the phone.
how nice. =/
ouh well. i shld stop complaining and count my blessings!
HAHAHAHA! ohmygod! count my blessings... trust me to still rmb tt phrase.
heh. you know i love you! =)

oooookay.
i feel very restricted. =/
for everything.
somehow there's this unspoken rule.
and even though my dad didn't say it... somehow a curfew is being set alr.
and even though my house is very big... but somehow i dun feel like i have my own privacy!
i dun have my own little private corner. =/
i don't think i've ever complaint bout not having my own room...
and if i'm not wrong i actually don't want to have my own room.. =/
cause it's scary! but now..
i think having my own room would be nice.. =/
you can stay up the whole freaking night and no one would know or scold you.
ohmygod.
i want to shoot someone.
i want alot of things.
i feel greedy!
i shld stop feeling greedy.
and i probably shld stop contradicting myself.
i hate it when i contradict myself.
actually.. no.. i kinda like it.
i think i'm weird.

i'm going crazy.
where was i?
oh. i feel restricted.
i hate being the youngest in the family.
they keep thinking i'm still young/small/immature or wadever fill in the blanks.
things weren't even that strict before lah!
or maybe it is.. just tt i cbb. =/
so why shld i bother now right?
i dunno... wad am i doing?!
why am i killing my limited brain cells?!
ok stop.
and now i feel restricted here.
later you guys read wadever tt is here and think wth am i going on and on bout my love life. =/
and i can't think of the last time i gave a fk bout wad you guys think. =/
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!
i need to find alison back.
i'm losing my sanity!
PIG YOUM YI! i'm losing my touch.
we need to meet moreeee!
thursdays dinner is not enough!
how bout... every alternate days?! :D
hehehe! ok
i'm going crazy.

you know i love you guys still.
even though i'm going crazy.
I LOVE YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU! :D
and you know you love me!
hehehe! XOXO.

been spending quite some time with my family. =)
things have been okay! which is good...
but i miss wanyi and youm though.
we need to meet up often!
omg. and pig's gonna start her internship tmr alr!
shit. means lesser time to meet?! =(
and soon i'm going to Laos!
hehehe! kinda excited for it! but shall not expect too much.
things always turn out sucky if i expect or look forward to something too much.

finally went clubbing after three months!
i'm a good girl k?! i said i didn't go in tt three mnths and i really didn't!
=)
heh! but i didn't get to really dance with pig though! =(
it's ok! NEXT TYM! GO PHUTURE! dun go ZOUK!
:D the music is more awesomeeeee!
and clubbing feels different now that i'm attached.
hehehehe.. i'm attached. it's so weird.
anyway! it's different! like... i have to constantly remind myself tt i have a bf and tt i can't really go crazy and stray... =/
but it's better than not going at all!
so i shall not complaint!
you win some you lose some right?
hahaha! :D

and i'm catching up on my sleeeeeep!
back to sleeping 12 hours a day!
it feels good! HAHAHA!
heh! BYE! :D

spending the day with ahkent was pretty awesome!
din realised i miss him until i saw him!
hehe! training with him again was definitely fun! =)
and i'm proud of myself!
swimming 30plus laps and one whole round at bedok reservoir with a bloody slope after that was pretty awesome and satisfying! :D
it makes carls jr. after that not as sinful.. hehe!
although all tt swimming and running just went to nth but still awesome! :D
LOL!
and i can't believe i just spent 80bucks in less than half an hour to replenish my lost swim stuff.
but i kinda like it! HEHEHE!
if i lose it again i think i'll just kill myself.. =/

i am really enjoying my holidays!
it feels so good to be finally doing things other than workshops and studying and all tt stuff.
just taking things and planning things one day at a time.. =)
ouh well... enjoy while it lasts! :D
and i suddenly have this urge to do something crazy... =/
like.. dye my hair blonde. or bleach it! or something.
get a naval piercing? or a tattoo.. hehehe!
okok.. i shld stop thinking bout it before i go crazy and really do it.
wheeeeeeeee!

this too shall pass.

hahahaha! :D
well... LTT IS FINALLY OVER! :D :D :D
omggggg! damn happy! it's like... I CAN FINALLY SLEEP!
i don't know.. i'm just so glad that it's over and done with!
hehehe! i don't really care so much right now.
i think i can rot at home for days and not complaint.
maybe i shld do tt. hehehe!
my bed! ahhh my awesome awesome bed!
i'm gonna accompany you more now! don't you miss me? :D

heeheehee!
my nails looks good right now! :D
i love the colourrrrr.. hahaha! i feel like a girl now!
it's been a long time since i feel this way.
after wearing tt oversized shirt everyday with jeans and converse.
i feel like a dude!
hehehe! i could do it like a dude!

and i'm still so tired from sleep debt i can't blog right now.
wheeeeeeeeeeee! :D

young love was such dumb love.
call it what you want, we're still in love.

i'm scared.
like fking scared.
and it's scary to feel so scared.
it's seriously too much for my comfort.

when you said those words.
i was seriously tongue tied.
but now i could safely say that i am not the only one who felt this way.
i thought it was just me.. but i guess not.
that's a good thing.
heh! good to know that it's affecting you like it's affecting me!
all i can say is...
it's too late already. i'm in too deep.

guess all i can do now is take the risk.
jump then fall right?
=)

Good relationships don’t just happen.
They take time, patience and two people who truly want to be together.

dad's making it hard for me.
i have no idea why... he doesn't seem to understand.
stuck in between. wtf.

and right this moment i don't feel wad i'm supposed to feel.
like even if i want it to end it would be just a horrible timing and everything would just sucks even more.
i'm scared that what i think this is IS what it is.
and that's not a good thing.
it would actually be the worst thing.

i'm just so fking tired.
i want everything to just end.
i guess it's partly my fault.
for not being able to spend more time...
shit. it just all comes down to the same problem isn't it?
fuck it.
bye.

huhhhh...
i'm feeling kinda shitty.
=/
hormones is killing meeee! =(
so mood swingy.. =/
howwww? what is this?!
this whole thing is making my brain go haywire...
what have i got myself into?
i feel like some emo shit and i dun even know why.
this is retarded.

anyway. he came over to my house with food at freaking 3am in the morning!
ohmygod. i think i'm a lucky bitch.
who is turning into a fat bitch soon. =/
but i'm not complaining.. yet. :D
heh.

it's still kind of scary actually.
bout everything.
what if i get in too deep?
that's not good.
and they say the star that shines the brightest fades away the fastest right?
and i think i think too much.
this is bad.
bloody hormones.
it just feels like everything is everywhere right now.
and i can't seem to get hold of what's going on...
it's like my hands are full.. but i still want to take more stuff up.
but there's no other way to take any more stuff.
and the only way is to let go some.
but i can't let go of any!
every single one is important to me.
letting go just wasn't an option.
i'll see how it goes.
there must be a way out.
it always is.

and i shld start doing my work!
f word rmb?
FOCUS!
oh who am i kidding?

all along i knew this was wrong,
but it was worth dying for.

making me feel guilty doesn't help apparently.
it'll just make me feel damn guilty at first.. then after i sleep it off.. i'll just get pissed off.
and even though it's of no link and there's nth to be pissed about i'll still get pissed.
guess i just hate feeling guilty. =/

and i have never ever felt so time constraint before.
it seems that 7 days a week is never enough.
it's amazing why pig doesn't slap me before.
i think she does. just that i'm too cute for her to do it.
i know right? :D
hahaha! i'm so sorry man. now i know how you feel.
i could just kill myself right now for putting you such pain.
i was such a bitch! still am lah.. but.. yea. =/

this is retarded...
and i think i'm pms-ing.
like... post.
damn.
suddenly feel so tired of all these bullshit.
ahhh no mood.
fuck. bye.

save your heart for someone tt's worth dying for.
don't give it away.

everyone's like..
wah you're finally all grown up.
not xiaomeimei alr!
... oooookay din know i wasn't growing up until now.
and i'm not a xiaomeimei!
hate it when people call me a xmm.
please. other than my height i'm pretty sure i'm far from being a xmm!
and yes i'm cranky.

damn. and i'm broke.
gonna pay for the Laos trip and losing my swimsuit and i'll need to buy one new one and my online shopping craze again.
need work.
=/
angbao money doesn't even cover!
ahhhhhhhhhh!

chionging my logbook and project!
it's getting crazyyyyyyy!
3 more weeks.
get it over and done with!
and i can't believe pig actually seriously thot i really don't do my work.
SERIOUSLY?!
hahahahaha! damn.
what impression do you have of me man?!
omg. i still can't believe!
disappointed. =(
hahahahaha!

oh! and did i mention my corby drowned?!
=(
using vivaz nowwww...
feel like i'm betraying corby. =/
i'm so sorry!
i promise to get you fix ok?!
please dun die on me.
you're only less than a year old!

and i feel like i'm living in a bubble right now.
i'm not even following what's happening around me.
enjoy it while it last. =)
before reality kicks me in the face.
damn. i'm so cynical.somebody slap me already!
ok. let's put it this way.
i'm optimistic. not an idiot.
(Y)

better get some logbook done.
3 weeks! 3 weeks!
and there's still report to go.
eff!

my thoughts would echo your name.