so fking tired.
no mood. no energy to do anything.
but there just seem to be lots of things for me to finish.

running 21km is just crazy.
never ever gonna do this kind of shit ever again.
but then again. i guess i get why ppl just go back for more even though they know it's a torture.
the satisfaction that comes after finishing the run is just priceless i guess.
it's like... ohmygod. wtf. i just finished running 21km. how did i survive tt?!
and you'll be so proud of urself.
of course. that satisfaction only comes when you're not dead tired and after having some sleep in ur system.
after the run all you want to do is just go back and accompany your bed.
but even then...any position just wouldn't do.
lying straight sucks cause your back aches.
turning to ur side would just be a bitch cause ur legs hurts.
then you gotta think of your arms.
which angle would be best so that you dun feel the muscle aches.
seriously.
sleeping was never such a torture and a bliss at the same time.

and i'm just so unmotivated to do my work now.
so tired.
all i want to do is just sleep.
probably a 24hr sleep would do.
anything less than that just wouldn't be enough. =/
don't even have the energy to feel anything.
don't have that energy to feel just how fked up things have gotten.
don't have the energy to try to make myself have some energy so i won't feel so sian.
don't even have the energy to finish this post.
bye.

whisper 'hello, i miss you quite terribly.'

finally. quizzes are over!
havent felt so hardworking in awhile.
ever since ltt it's just been lazing and waiting till the last minute of the main exam then start chiong.
kinda proud of myself actually. =) now let's just hope the result do those studying justice.

and ohmygod. sundown marathon on saturday!
think i'll just die. havent been running since i don't know when!
ouh well.. shall just go there and whack.
the most i go look for a full body masseuse.. hehehe! :D

life's been not too bad i guess.
sort of adapting. trying to make do with wad i have and try to live without those that i don't have.
miss pig yi and youm alot!
miss the hi cheeks! =/anyway... meeting up nowadays also seem different.
time spent together just wasn't enough.
ouh well.. part of the process i guess. it sucks though. =/

ahhh. life's like this.

you stole my heart and you're the one to blame.

lost Corby. =/
feels like i've just used up all my lucky chances and someone up there felt that i don't deserve Corby anymore and took him away from me.
either that or i'm just one irresponsible piece of shit.
but i'd like to think it's the former.

when i lost Corby it felt that i've just fucked up every aspect of my life.
guess some things have already happen and Corby was just the breaking point.
feel so emotionally drained now.
so tired. my head hurts like some motherfker.
and i still have CCOM to do.
ahhhh.
shall get it over and done with.

maybe good is just the absence of bad.

seriously. i want to get out of this house. and find some other place to live.
just a small bedroom or anything. i dun care.
share a small room with Yi is also fine with me.
i need to get out of the house.
it's killing me.
all the constant nagging and all that. besides. it's not my idea to get out of the house. even my mum is asking me to go find a place if i really can't stand it.
if only i have the financial ability.
seriously. once i start work. have a stable income. that's wad i'll do.
bloody hell. and i'm not even able to use the fking computer. sis have been hijacking it every single night to watch bloody cheena dramas. ohmygod.
fking hate communal living now.
and i'm pmsing. not good. does not go well with mum's constant nagging and sis's constant bitching.
fk.
get me out of here.

i hate studying.
for one. nobody likes to study.
two. it makes me want to look for food to eat. =/
three. it just sucks all the brain juice from my brain. that is to say if there is even any.

ahhh. so tired.
so sleep deprived.
freshman camp was not too bad.
think i'm getting sick of camps alr.
all the freshies are getting uglier.. =/
plus they're younger than me! don't like xiaodidis!
heh. ok. not making any sense now.

anyway. i think i need to prioritize my life.
i don't know.
it feels so stretched out.
a little bit of here.. a little bit of there.
somehow it doesn't seem enough and it doesn't solve the problem.
i think it made things worse.
either that or maybe it's just my imagination.
i'm not seeing enough of my family. not seeing enough of WWY. not seeing enough of Love. not seeing enough of him. =/
plus there's school. and studies. and quizzes. and exams.
and my bed is complaining alr.

ouh well.
it's ok! things will work out somehow or another.
brain's not functioning.
NITEZ!
you know i love you! =)

One of the most dangerous things about falling in love is the risk you take knowing that in a moment that someone could no longer be yours. So why do we do it? Why do we open our hearts to feel vulnerable and broken? Because falling in love is a human’s most divine sense of feeling. For some people the love they have never fades. It exists as long as they exist. And when the world tries to invade what they have waited so long to feel, they wrap their fingers around it and never let go. White knuckles, red palm, they never let go. But with that love comes an ache that can never be rid of. It’s that uncontrollable and unstoppable realization that you have no power over the way you feel. You are victim to the sting of love. It hurts as much as it heals. For some, that ache wears on their soul, and they find themselves forgetting why they loved in the first place. They let go, release the tension in their hand, and watch as the very thing they once held dear fades away. So why do we do it? Why do we fall in love? Because even if the person you love gives up on you, even if you give up on the person you love, what has been will never change. The way your heart felt while it did last makes the risk worth it. Never forget what you did have. Maybe one day, you will find each other again. Maybe one day, you’ll both remember why you loved so deeply. Maybe one day, you won’t. But no one can take away what your heart so fondly remembers.

the weather's slowly killing everyone.
i'm so hot i'm literally emitting heat! or maybe because i'm gonna fall sick. again. =/
okok.. shall NOT fall sick.
i shld stop eating spicy nuggets. and fried food.
HAHAHAHAHA! ya right.

damnnn i need to start studying.
NO MOTIVATION!
howwww?! =/
i need something to look forward to..
or something to push me forward.
and give me the drive to prove something wrong.

sometimes i feel like i'm greedy.
but then i guess it's natural for someone to want more after you had something good.
more of the good stuff.
like.. it's never enough and you'd wish for just one more second or just a little bit more.
but after you get one more second it's not enough. and you'd want to have another one more second.
=/
NO! dun think it the wrong way!
i dunno. it doesn't really make sense. but in some way... it just does.
hmmm..
nvm.

shall be a good girl and study!
=)

you're always there, you're everywhere.
but right now i wish you were here.

Simple Plan's BACKKKKKK! :D
it's been years since they've come out with new songs!
heehee! love them!

the weather is so fking hotttttt!
it's like a freaking suanaaaaaa!
i wanna go tan tan tan!
getting too whiteeeeeeee! NOT GOOOOD!
this weather is making me so lazy and nuaaaaaa...
lazing aroundddd... doing nthhh... looking for foooood!
hehehehe! living a pretty awesome lifeeeeee! :D

been too negative lately...
it's bad for health!
so! i shld not think too much!
everything's fine anyway. =)
looking forward to every single time i can see you again!
and every AWWY meet ups! and to see Love again!
heehee!

but then Yi got a new jobbbbbb...
which means no more lunch visits in tp!
and lesser time to meet up! =(
it's ok... physically apart.. spritually together! :D
heh. tt's gay.
i'm feeling gay! hahahaha!
too much positivity alr.
ouh well. it's better than the alternative!
I LOVE YOU GUYSSSSS! <3

going out of my head, alone in this bed.

"Nobody can teach you love. Love you have to find yourself, within your being, by raising your consciousness to higher levels. And when love comes, there is no question of responsibility. You do things because you enjoy doing them for the person you love. You are not obliging the person, you are not even wanting anything in return, not even gratitude. On the contrary, you are grateful that the person has allowed you to do something for him. It was your joy, sheer joy. Love knows nothing of responsibility. It does many things, it is very creative; it shares all that it has, but it is not a responsibility, remember. Responsibility is an ugly word in comparison to love. Love is natural. Responsibility is created by the cunning priests, politicians who want to dominate you in the name of God, in the name of the nation, in the name of family, in the name of religion — any fiction will do. But they don’t talk about love. On the contrary, they are all against love, because love is unable to be controlled by them. A man of love acts out of his own heart, not according to any moral code. A man of love will not join the army because it is his responsibility to fight for his nation. A man of love will say there are no nations, and there is no question of any fight."
— Osho

so tired.
so lazy to study for M6!
not like i would pass.
but still... i shld study right?
BUT it's so boringgggggg...
gosh. need to stop contradicting myself!
shall see my mood later. screw M6.

so!
things have not been very good.
but neither is it very very bad.
it's just the same problem all over again.
it's ok... been there done that. shall do it again.
haiz... don't mean to make it sound so pfft... but it's just so pfft... =/
kk... positive thinking alison...
be optimistic!
and i just feel like slapping tt optimistic part of me.
damn.
I NEED TO GO CLUBBING.
=/

everything seem so gloomy now...
need something to look forward to!
likeeeeeee... clubbing!
hehehehe. okok.. or the freshman camp!
new freshies.. hopefully some decent cute guys.
heh. :D

ouh well...one step at a time.
shall stand strong bout wad i believe in.
and what i want.
cause it's worth fighting for! =)
keep calm and make this last forever.
ok.. not a great believer in forever...
make it last for as long as possible.. :D
you know i love you! (L)

everyone wants something real and worth it.

she's not as strong as she seems to be.

i hate this feeling.
i hate that i feel weak. that i'm not strong enough.
i hate that what i feel depends on someone.
i hate that i feel dependent on someone.
that his or her actions would affect me.
and i would break it down into little pieces of whys and why nots.
and i would start going crazy in my head and not being able to do anything.
don't say anything or start a conversation if you don't have anything nice to say.
and it'll just slowly kill me inside.
i can't really pin point to that thing that makes me feel all these.
it doesn't make sense.
but then again.. wad does?
just when you thought you had it all figured out... you start to feel all these weird things.
why can't things ever be normal?
there's just so many words left unspoken that you don't know where to begin if you were to start.

i hate that once there was nothing to lose... but now.. there's everything to lose.
the stakes are high.
i don't like what i'm feeling right now.
like i don’t know what’s going on anymore.
like i don’t care about anything anymore.
i’ve lost motivation to do anything.
my mind is set on too many things that i'm are confused about my feelings, and i can’t explain how i feel either.
the feeling of emptiness, and feeling that barely anyone is there for me.
feeling that no one understands me anymore.
and it seems like there is nothing to look forward to anymore.

i'm fine.
what's fine?
fucked up? insecure? neurotic? emotional?
yea. i am.
it's ok.
don't ask. don't care.
it'll be gone soon.
if it's not i guess it'll just blow up sooner or later.

and she can't find a reason behind those tears.

can you make it right again?