i love the smell of my smelly. =)
it smells so homey. and cosy. and heartwarming.
and i dun care if it's so flat you can't feel it. cause it always feels full when i hug it! hee!
isnt that wad's all about? all good and awesome things are things that you can't really touch but makes you feel so good that it'll make you smile?
hahaha!
=)

and recently i've been trying to make sense of what's going on around me.
but after all these time.. i couldn't.
so i guess maybe things doesn't have to make sense. because it just is. cause life is like that. it likes to fk ppl up. then make things right. maybe because that way, people would then realise wad awesome life they had last time and make you cherish the moments more?
i dunno. ouh well.
all these things happening recently just put things into a whole new perspective.
but things happened for a reason. so shall not read into it too much. not gonna change anything anyway.
sometimes thinking too much or reading too much into something would just give you the adverse effect.

alright. one crazy week coming up.
2 more quizzes. 1 presentation. 1 interview. 1 report to finish.
ok. not gonna fret just yet. it's alright. i can do it.
i'm gonna do this shit.
=)

The most interesting thing about heart implants is that one completely loses his heart to be replaced by someone else’s, yet still has feelings for the same person he or she loves. This proves that love works in the minds of people and not in their hearts. Bottomline is, love is a state of mind. You’ll learn how to forget only if you try doing so.
-Grey’s Anatomy

you know that it's a scary feeling.

it shouldn't hurt that much.
don't even know where it starts or where it ends.
not gonna think bout it cause every thought would just lead to a place where i do not wish to be.
wish i could find that alison where she isn't afraid and doesn't back down that easily.
i'm not practicing wad i preach and i hate myself for that.
coward.

to think that such words were even running through those minds.
how i wish it doesn't hurt.
how i wish i could go around acting like nth had happened.
how i wish i could let go of it so quickly and easily.

not gonna go the easy way anymore.
may be the worst timing ever but it's time that something are done.

but for you, i'll make believe.

waiting for pictures to be uploaded to the lame ass school wiki portal.
probably the stupidest shit ever invented. and it's taking forever just to upload one single picture.
and i have like 5 million to upload.
fk.
i suddenly feel like i'm going to drown in a pool of shitty work.
it feels like i'm trying to swim and keep my head up and not go under the water but somehow it just feels like huge ass waves are just crashing down on me unrelentingly and it's just so fking hard to breathe and even though you try to deliver some work out it's just shitty and you might as well not do anything.
this is getting retarded. trying so hard for the sake of wad?
sometimes it's just so much easier if the world is really gonna end next year.
then i wouldn't worry so much shit and then think of the things that i would have to do.
huh. i'd rather just marry off and be a tai tai. but then tt's everyone's dream right?
why is it that when we dream we have to dream big?
why can't we just dream small? i mean at least then the dreams are much easier to come true and able to fulfil right?
it'll be stupid to dream so big like... i want to be a millionaire. when you can dream... i just want to earn enough so that i can go overseas and travel.
isn't that so much easier? who needs to earn a million dollar just to not be able to spend it cause you're so busy working?
i dun need some high paying job. as long as i can have my three..ok.. maybe four meals a day and then maybe some extra money to do stupid stuff like watching movie.
after that save the rest and once you have enough then you travel.

ouh well.
easy to talk. hard to do.
fkkkk. life's a bitch. life's retarded. stuck in a vicious cycle.
yay.
gosh. all i want is to just get through this semester.
get it over and done with quick.
without any glitches or stupid problems.
is that too much to ask for? =/

to oblivion.

Gemini's can have feelings of depression but by no means will they let this seen by anybody. They want everybody to believe that they are always cheerful and that stress never affects them.
-zodiacchic

did i mention school is crazy?
yea i think i did. like a million times.
it's alright! it'll be over soon. i can do this!
it'll be over soon and before i know it it'll be holidayyyyy! :D
mind over matter. mind over matter. i can finish everything!
2 more presentations. 2 individual reports. 1 group report. hell lots of quiz and exams.
LET'S GO!

long live.

school's gonna start being crazy.
reports quiz presentations exams.
you name it. they got it. we do it.
really really need to get my head back in the books.

anyway. watched Harry Potter today with love! =)
was not too bad. and love was going on and on about how Harry Potter is over just like that and our childhood has just came to an end and it's just so sad...
but then i guess so...
makes me rmb the times when i would just stay up real late to read those books.
reread the previous ones to read and know where it start to the newest volume.
using a small torchlight that is so dim and just keeps turning off in the middle of the night to finish reading the book.
read till your eyes feel like it's gonna pop out any minute but still you don't want to put it down cause it's just too awesome.
waiting for an eternity for the new book to come out.
thank whoeveritisupthere that mum works at the post office and that they sell HP books and i'll get to have them on the day it releases without having to queue up.
wow. memories...
heehee! all that seems ghey now but hey! tt's my childhood.
i'm proud of it! =)

it just reminds me of all the other things in my life that i had once but not anymore.
like that primary school best fren i had who became bitchy in secondary school.
that old tattered building of our secondary school that became some lame ass new and cleaner building. (i miss the square staircase! with those stupid ugly window panes that's being painted over by some ghey seniors.)
and i miss that fugly school uniform! i even rmb that the white collar and the white extra thing at the end of the sleeve means that maybe someday we will be able to have a white collar job.
i miss those retarded crazy moments where youm and i just hug each other and having weird stares shot at us.
those bitching moments at the back of the class. those cannot stand amanda moments (rmb those pig?). and the whole elaine saga?
HAHAHAHA! oh gosh. amazing how important those things felt like last time but now that we look back at it it just seems so juvenile it's a wonder how we even do those shit!
and and and i miss my Laos trip!
oh my god. i'd turn back in time for that. there really isn't a moment where i wish that i was back home.
all those cranky mornings. weird food. cheese naan. painting. getting our hairs splattered with paint. including some leg hairs. playing with adorable kids. THE MOTORBIKE! crazy party and drinking moments. ahhhh. good times. nono! AWESOME times.
everytime on fb i'll see those ppl we know in Laos post some status about anything and it's just... sad.. that they're getting on with their lives and it just makes me think that if they miss us. and still think of us. and whether their lives are still the same cause i'd like to think that we made an impact on their lives and maybe it would be better.
i dunno why am i thinking bout all these.. =/
ah ouh well.
life goes on.
and i'm real hungry right now.
huhhhh.
bye! :D

it's just a phase.

in a fat mode.
been a while since i feel fat.
huh. so god damn lazy to get my ass moving.
haiz. but i shld really start running and swimming. =/
guess those fats tt i ran away during the 21km is back. =(
ouh well.
how i wish tt i'm really those who eat as much as i want and not get fat.
the most tummy come out then after food is digested then gone liao.
haiz. stupid fat genes.
if only it could go away at the snap of the fingers.
gone. poofed. DISAPPEARED! :D
yea right sure.
then there wun be any fat ppl in the world liao.
ouh well..
too many skinny guys in sg. need some fat girls to even up the ratio.

anyway! kpop concert was not too bad.
still... i wouldn't want to go again.
the front was really boring and basically everyone in the stadium was just waiting for 2ne1 and BigBang to perform.
the whole stadium just went crazy when they performed.
it was THAT awesome.
but still... 300plus dollars for an hour of awesome act.
i'd rather spend it on something else lah.
ouh well. okok. shall stop being an ungrateful bitch.
:D

gosh. i need to start doing and working on my assignments and projects.
it's such a pain in the ass. =/
need to buck up if i want to at least maintain my gpa.
getting all B is just gonna kill all the hope of going into a uni.
then i'll get fked by my parents and then yay! awesome.
ahhhhhhhhh ok.
just 7 more weeks.
or 6?
fkkkkk.
bye.

i just wish...

so! everyone's just busy with their own lives.
youm's super busy with camps. yi's just working watching drama enjoying life before uni starts. pig's trying to survive one day at a time. love's preparing to start uni. babe trying to cope with everything. and i'm trying to just finish one assignment and getting through one week by one week.
since when does life gets so hectic and crazy and everywhere but nowhere at the same time?
don't have time to spend with each other but trying every possible ways to look for time.
oh gosh. growing up sucks.

projects. reports. tests. exams.
it's never ending.
and it's depressing! blegh. not worth going crazy over.
shall just take it one at a time.
rushing everything and fretting over it would get the job done. but so does slowly taking ur time and last minute work.
so yepp. not gonna give too much shit bout it.
just try and get through the semester.
can't wait for holidays.
at least a break from all tt crazy shit.
sometimes it just feels like you lost focus and have no idea what you're really working for or towards.
and what is the whole point of doing all this.
guess i just need to keep in mind the things that i want and try and focus and settle the shit one by one.
it's not that hard lah! i can do it! =)

4 more weeks to end of projects. reports and crazy ass stuff.
7 more weeks to end of semester.
let's do this shit!

:D

was that too much to ask for?

i'd give you a koala bear hug in a heartbeat.

you know what would be awesome now?
lying on the beach. shades on. working on another tan. fine. i'll put lots of sunblock. with the music on. read a good book. and just laze on the beach.
or or or i don't mind going to a water theme park! slides. wave pool. more slides. hehehe.

the weather's awesome todayyyy!
and i'm lazing at home. probably lots of shit to do but just so lazy.
but at the same time feels so restless.
ohmygod. it feels like thre's pins on my butt and i can't sit properly...
LALALALA.
i'm bored.
this post is redundant.
i'm gonna sleep. bye. :D

so. fking. tired.
i think my brain stopped functioning.
amazing how i can still blog.

shopping today with pig was pretty awesome! =)
got my stuff and probably the first time i shopped till my leg cramped!
LOL!

got fked real bad by my parents. usual shit. but this time round the shit hit the fan.
getting sick of it alr.
recently kept thinking how nice it is to just have my own place...
like really really.. go hostel stay would also be fine..
then i think it'll really be awesome if i could be something like how the americans do it.. 18 or 19yrs old then they alr start looking for apartments and thinking of moving out from their parents.
then i will think bout how nice it would be to reside in the states and probably just get out from all this shit.
bring pig yi youm love along with me.
then life would really just be awesome.
can party all day go out real late reach home at 3 4plus am for all i care and no one would give a fk.

haiz. i dunno. just suddenly feel so fking tired.
want to fight back but there's no energy left to fight back.
whole lot of shit that i want to say out but don't have the energy to manage wadever that would happen next after i say all the shit out.
ahhhh fk it.

so! july's here... soon it's gonna be august.
then youm's gonna start uni and love too. then yi would start hers also.
youm would be staying at some ulu place where i can't teleport there in 30mins.
and then we would meet up even less and then everything would be just awesome.
yay.
well.. at least pig and yi's still kinda near me!
and maybe love too.. =/

it just really feels super weird and weird and did i mention WEIRD?!
that that that two of us are gonna start uni life alr.
wadever happened to secondary? and jc/poly life?!
why so fast?!
why isn't anyone listening to my wish of staying at a certain age? 18 is fine. 19 is NOT.
i want to be Peter Pan. i want. i don't want to grow up. and start thinking of wad to work as or where i want to go after poly and wad not.
why whyyyyyy?!
wish there's a compass for life.
at least we won't be lost then.
it's weird that yi youm and love's going uni. IT'S WEIRD.
like how we see our sec 3 guy frens on the first day of sch and they are all wearing long pants kind of weird.
GET WHAT I MEAN?!
like... ohmygod they grew up overnight. shit.
=(

and i'm going for kpop wave concert. =/
and i'm not a single bit excited bout it.
haiz.. i feel like i'm wasting it.. and like i'm a lucky bitch who doesn't appreciate wad she has.
but it's not tt i don't appreciate it! it's just tt i think love would love it more than i would if she has the ticket. =/
i think selling it to someone else is much better than giving it to me who does not really want to go.
i'm so over the kpop stuff alr. =/ big bang or not.
haiz. how?! it wouldn't be nice if i tell alina tt i dun want to go right?! =/
damn.

and school is getting sucky and i'm not being able to spend time with the ppl i want.
and timetable and schedule just sucks big time cause it keeps clashing with babe's pig's and everyone else it's just irritating and sucky.
i'd much rather not see babe for a few whole days and then just really spend one whole day with him than to see him bit by bit every single day. =(
life sucks.
and i think it'll just gonna get worse.
okok.. shall not be too realistic and just stay focus on the present for now.
either way it's still better than the alternative.
i'll take wad i can for now! =)

anyway! when i was working at isetan.. everytime i see girls who wear shorts and has such nice legs and asses it just makes me wants to kidnap them then chop off their legs and implant them on myself. =/
i think if i'm a guy i'd be a leg person for sure.
i'll just stare at their backsides for i dunno how long and then think.. oh god i'm staring at some other girl's asses and tt's pervertic.. and then i'll look away but not before thinking and wishing that i have such nice legs too.
it's just so sexy and i love it when girls with nice asses and long legs wear short shorts and especially if they are tan! ohmygod.
so jealous! i think a little bit of yi is in me.
and i'm going crazy
and i'm damn tired so ciao!
lovelove!