hall camp's gonna start in less than 10 mins. LOL! so not rushing down to meet new friends. plus i'm too lethargic and cranky to make friends now. ouh well. may the force be with me. i think i'll just be an anti social ass. sleeping alone at night doesn't feel tt bad anymore. or at least that's how i feel. but then i wouldn't trust what i feel these days since it ranges from hysterical to lunatic. living alone sure is something that i would kill myself before i can get accustomed to it. i hate the quietness. oh god. may the force be with me to survive 6 lame ass looooong days. i miss the east alr. LOL.

so! i'm gonna shift in to hall tmr. in less than 24 hours. and tonight would be the last night i'll be home. ok. i make it sound like i'm going in to the army or something. but i think it's somewhere near! it is half way across the country after all!
and i haven packed anything at all. tmr's gonna be a mad rush. though i've alr wrote down a list of things to bring. but ouh well... i guess i'm just putting it off as late as possible so tt the fact tt i'm really shifting in is not as real.  ouh well.. some self delusional is good once in a while.

alright. that babe of mine just woke up and made me feel a hell lot better. =) oh i'm so needy i could slap myself. and i think night time is a weakness of mine. it just exposes you. all those vulnerability. and thoughts that consume you. it's the time of the day where ur guard is down and you just feel so alone and you're just craving for another presence to talk to or make some contact with.

ok. get my emotions in control and kick ass. i can do it. =)

hi, so i've been trying to get myself mentally prepare for change to happen. school's starting in less than a month and gotta start shifting in to hostel in two to three weeks. shit just got real. and it's happening. i feel so lazy and i have this mentality that i don't need to know any more friends. i have enough of them right now in my life alr. i don't see the need to have anymore. =/ life's awesome just the way it is nowwww. so why is it changing?! ok fine. i just hope i don't gain weight when i'm there. i hope i have the motivation to run those bloody hills of ntu and not the mind of a weakling who goes to supper every night. i long for a lean toned body with a flatter stomach. see?! it's not a very far fetched goal. i just want my previous weight back. just 7 kgs. i don't need a stomach tt have abs. just flatter. tt's not unrealistic right? i honestly believe that i can do it. just that i'm too lazy. every cell on my body screams to go shed off those extra fats. but it's just too lazy. why?! why am i this lazy?! i'm lazy and then here i am envying and hating everyone of them who has long toned legs and a cinched waist. oh alison. what a letdown you are. but then again i just don't have the motivation to go run. and sweat. i hate running. i hate the process of running. i just wish i can run without me knowing that i ran and then get me to wake up when i run finish. ok it's not possible. i hate it. i hate the feel of every single cell in my lungs crying and begging me to stop. i hate the feel of my legs being forced to take another step forward. ok that's bullshit. i haven been running that much recently to feel like that. my legs surprisingly still have the energy to run another kilometer and another and another. it's just my lungs and stamina. you see? the thing is i know i can do it. that is why i just keep putting it off to the next day and the next day until i realise that being fatter is NOW. oh i'm such a contradiction. and i just have this urge to talk and talk and talk till the night ends and the day starts. i'm such a weird thing.

it's so irritating when every little thing happening around you just rubs you off the wrong way and pissed you off.
i have no idea where did all that angst or crankiness comes from but i just can't help it.
i can only blame the impending huge change for the cause of it.
when a change is looming all you're trying to do is try to keep whatever that's left the same as it is. but i guess it only causes things to change faster.
and when that happen, your natural reaction is to guard your heart. and tt's not a pretty side but then hey! tt's all you got left.