Tuesday, June 12, 2012

"It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace." 

have you ever thought how much we actually know in comparison to what we CAN know in this whole universe?
there's just so so much out there that has not even be discovered and probably those that we have discovered we only know that 1%. and what we already know is only just the surface of the topic there's so much more depth to it than we thought possible. 
part of the reason why i really really want to go stargazing is that then we can sort of put things into perspective of how small and insignificant we are than to the WHOLE universe. 
when you just look up to millions of miles above you that consist of a billion more other things that exists in this whole world. that's gonna make your problems that you think is so big seems so small. probably then you'll be scared that you only know so little things about the whole world. 
lets not talk about how big the UNIVERSE is. just take the internet for example. minus away the porn that's still alot of shit that we have not been to or stumbled upon.
i blame babe's discovery channel and bbc knowledge for all this. all those How Do They Do It. Mega Builders or whatever. come to think of it, it's pretty mindfking actually.
i don't know. it's just some random blabber. 

Singapore is an awesome place. safe secure sheltered bright. probably too safe. too secure too sheltered and WAY too bright. i've always dream of going to just hide somewhere dark and look up the skies. or go to a drive through movie theater. long roads of nothing but just the mountains on the left and the vast oceans at the right. going down a road that leads to another place for you to discover and uncover. 
the world is just too big to uncover in one lifetime. 

then comes love. love is something that exists. but not something that can be hold. not physically anyway. has it ever cross your mind that what you're feeling for someone is conditional love or unconditional love? i once watch a show. a channel 8 show actually (kinda amazed that they actually have good substance) that talks about love and marriage. it said that (in my own words) conditional love is all around and that you don't realise that you're actually giving a conditional love. when you do something for someone, you would expect that someone to be happy and to acknowledge the fact that you did that for him/her right? that's conditional love. cause you expect them to repay that act of love or kindness. you might say but that's the most basic thing! but then again no one asked you to do that particular act of kindness or love. when you do it it's something that you want to do it voluntarily out of your own goodwill. not every one would take it as a goodwill. some people just take it for granted. but then again when you do it you still feel good that you have done it whether the person appreciates it or not right? so if you're willingly doing that act for whatever reason it is. don't expect anything in return. whatever it comes after is a bonus. that is not to say to be stupid and continue doing something for an asshole or something you get my drift but yeah.
i guess the bottomline is that if you do something, do it for yourself. do it because it makes you feel good about urself. not because you want the other person to be happy. of course! if the other person is happy and appreciates it in return then tt's good. but if the other person doesn't then it's fine. don't be sad cause it goes unnoticed. be happy that you're the bigger person. 


i have no idea where did all of that come from. but hey! doesn't hurt to sound intellectual once in a while. haha! :)


come to think of it, everything in life is absurd.
it's just the way you see it.

Friday, June 8, 2012

we only accept the love that we think we deserve.

Friday, June 1, 2012

happy birthday to me!
yay! not. =/ it feels like so damn weird and probably one of the most sad birthday ever. something doesn't feel right and i can't really put my finger on it.
it just feels like any other normal day just tt it's maybe worse. maybe the fact that it's my birthday just made it more worse. it's not that there's no surprises or whatsoever. the feeling is just wrong. didn't think that i'll be that affected by just a number but then i guess i really dun want to turn TWENTY so soon. =/ it's just wrong that i'm twenty. might be illegal or something. =/ it's the big TWO-oh. or maybe i'm just blowing this out of proportion.
and it doesn't help that my dajie is being a fking bitch. though it might help if i'm able to give her a good fking bitch slap. =/ my birthday has only past for 2 hours and 25 minutes and it's not going good.
let's just hope it doesn't get worse as the day goes.
and i just totally sound like an ungrateful bitch for typing all that. =/
sorry. i really still appreciate the thought of babe trying to give me a surprise and make me a card. plus those minions! :D i love it. and thanks. 

Sunday, May 27, 2012

so! it's been a long time.
back from thailand and then graduation day was over. kinda sad and now there isn't really much to look forward to anything anymore. =/

thailand has been pretty awesome! just chilling everyday and then having fun and going for adventures in krabi while shop till we all drop and broke in bangkok. hehehe! interesting stuff happen in bangkok! probably never gonna happen again and was pretty shocked when it happened! what were they thinking when they did it?! HAHAHA! but still pretty fun. :D and i guess going overseas would somehow just experience and see each and everyone's other side of them.. as in you're constantly in close contact with each other so as time goes you probably would get irritated with each other or something. kinda argued with babe there but then again i guess it's normal. just feel like after traveling miles away and i'm still being restricted. but then again i know it's also for my own good.. that alina and babe wants to take care of me and if anything were to happen to me they would also be blamed. BUT STILL! we're in thailand. and it's really nth i can do if i'm such a klutz all the time and don't really watch where i'm going. =/ come to think of it.. isn't that how you (babe) is able to jio me? hehehe! ok but you know i still love you and you have done an awesomely tremendous job bringing us around thailand and coordinating the whole thing. that's why i love you so much! ^^ :D


oh! and we may have did crazy things like throwing a water filled condom 10 floors down to the hotel pool.. we MAY. i didn't say we did. heh.

so comes graduation. just like that and three whole years are gone. till now although i still have no idea what to do with my diploma but i still didn't feel like i have chosen the wrong course to enter. many people asked me if i regretted and i can cross my heart and hope to die that i did not regret my choice. not once. =) not only did it let me know babe which is one of the best things that happended to me in poly, but it also gave me three whole years of awesome fun and great friends. ok i wouldn't say tt i would keep in touch with half of my polymates but they have been awesome and we had lots of memories together. not to mention the LTT times. it's the best time EVER in my poly life. :D we have all grown up in the past three years i got to say.
from this




to this

it almost feels like it took magic to happen.
hahahaha! it has really been an awesome journey. not to mention Laos OCP. it was such an eye opener and really a life experience. =) i'm really glad that i had the chance to experience all of that in just three years. i miss it alr.

well... all good things must come to an end i guess. and no matter what happen at least the memories will always live. =) thanks though. to everyone who had been in my life all these years and made my life so awesome. i've never regretted anything that happened in my life before and i would say tt my life has been awesome up till now. :D i love all of you and i just wish that we had more memories tgt. =) hee! cheeeeeesy!
yea alright. this is only the beginning of an end.
WE GOT DIPS ON LIFE! :D

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

ok! something before i fly off to THAILAND! :D
just feels really weird! i guess i just can't believe that the day i've been waiting for has finally came and i'm really actually going after so much stuff happened!
and i can't help but feel like there would be bad stuff happening! =/
let's hope not.. pray for my safety!
and ok! i'm REALLY EXCITEDDD! OMG! hehe.
ok i don't really have much to say except i'm excited. HAHAHA! LOVE YOU GIRLS AND BYEEE! :D
 the adventure beckons! 

Saturday, April 21, 2012

even blogger has a freaking new look.
what's with change? can't things just stay as it is forever once in their entire life?!
why must change be a constant? all that talk that gemini's are adaptive to change and everything. tt's utter bullshit. i hate it. if i had the choice i'll just leave everything as it is the same way as it was.
besides... i may be able to adapt to it but tt doesn't mean that i welcome it or want it.
uni stuff is fucking the whole thing up.
what with the receiving of enlistment letter all around me and the ntu acceptance letters.. it just scares me and really put things into perspective that all these shit is really going to happen and not just something that you're planning for and bring up once in ur 3 years of poly life.
i miss poly life. i miss school. i miss secondary school. i don't want to go into uni. i have never been less prepared for school than i am right now. yes it's still early but i dun think i'm going to change my mind so quickly. and i don't want to move half way across the country.
i love the east. i want to be in the east. maybe i'll just brave the 2 hours long commute back and forth school if i have to.
fuck this shit. all these things are really dampening my mood and excitement for the thailand trip.
it's gonna be a shitty trip and i'm gonna be staying with someone that i can't really stand recently. will never ever get what is going through her mind and it's just tiring to keep trying to put some optimism in the ever so pessimistic brain of hers.
oh damn it. i hate it when the night is just fking with ur brain with all these loaded thoughts.
fffffffffffffffffffu! *flips table!

Friday, April 6, 2012

was looking through tumblr and it suddenly hit me that there are just so much out there that we have not seen or been.
the world is so much more bigger than we ever ever imagined and it is just so full of beauty and the wilderness is just calling out your name to explore it that you don't really know where to start.
you read all of it on the internet but then the internet could only bring you the awesomeness to a small extend. to actually feel it and see it you got t go around and explore it urself to know and see firsthand how magnificent it is.
and it's scary at the same time. cause there's just so much out there that i'm afraid i'm not able to see it and experience all of it in this lifetime.
kinda sad that nature gave us such a beautiful place to be in but we got side tracked and blinded by other things such as money to stop us from seeing the world.
i just want to have the courage and the freedom and ability to go and see around the world and the beauty nature gave us.
even the most simplest thing such as star gazing is not possible here in singapore. guess it's not that easy to just see the world then. =/
it's a pity really. ouh well.
that's life i guess.