scary.
seriously. ignorance is bliss.
shld not have known anything at all.
ok. i've known it alr. just tt it came back again.
super scary.. like the world is suddenly this cold place.
like.. you really can't trust anyone.
even when frens who you think is close to you and treat you super nice on the surface is just a farce.
what the hell is this world?
damnit.
probably kinda just screw up something.
ouh well. may or may not matter anyway.
haiz. life's scary.

all i can say is tt... thank whoeveritisupthere for love yi pig and youm!
wad am i gonna do without them.
hope this world has more love than i thought there is.

and you couldn't have love me better.

i may have finally put my finger on why i'm feeling what i have been feeling recently.
the feel of wanting to do new things and trying out crazy stuff and just to feel crazy.
i guess it's just that people around me are just going on happily with their life and doing stuff like nth has change that i feel like everyone's moving ahead of me and leaving me behind.
guess having friends who go into uni isn't just affecting their own lives but also the lives of the people arnd them.. (or maybe it's just me)
it's kinda scary. i dunno. i dun like feeling this way.
but i'm pretty sure that i'm not the only one who thinks that way too.
ouh well. things sure are getting kinda weird though.

if it's meant to be, then you will see.

holidays!
it's going crazy.
i dunno... so many things are happening i don't even know where it start or even where it stops.
everything's just going on simultaneously that i just can't be bothered to follow up anymore.
probably the weirdest holiday ever and it's just started only.
lost friendships are found (hopefully) and some friendships just start going weird.
guess somewhere along the way we just got lazy to contact one another and blaming each other is the easiest thing to do.

in the past, things around me just keeps changing. but that's fine. since change is a constant. and also it just feels like even though things are changing the anchor of my world is still gonna keep me in line. to give me a strong hold and to allow me to see a bigger and better picture of what's going on.
but then now i guess the anchor of my life are also changing along with every other thing in the world. feels so lost for a moment and still trying to find a way back and to hold down that anchor so that it would stop moving.
have you ever sit in a teacup? and you just keep twirling the wheel so that you'll just go round an d round and round until your world just starts spinning out of control?
yea. that's wad it feels like. only it doesn't stop.

i think we just keep trying to keep up with things and to make things look or feel awesome and basically just rushing for something that we don't know what is it that we're rushing for.
it's like suddenly you stop and then think.
wad's all these crazy ass scrambling around for.
i dunno. so confused. so lazy. so tired. to think of anything.to figure out what all this is about and wad exactly is going on with life. my life.
it just feels.. out of the world and nth seems to feel the way it is supposed to feel.
or maybe it wasn't supposed to feel like that in the first place.
huh. see. confusing.
shall stop all the mindfk and go sleep.
and i need to stop being a weakling. it's not bringing me anywhere. and not doing any good for me.
get a grip.

we were never meant for do or die.

sisters are the most fked up species ever.
they can treat you oh so nice when their mood permits them and just fk you up whenever they feel like it.
seriously. and it's just sisters. it doesn't occur to brothers!
it's really amazing how their attitude is so changeable and it's just so fking irritating.
note to self: nv ever expect things to stay awesome or chummy with sisters when things are going well. you never know when they would feel the need to fk your life up or give you grieve at tt time just because they feel like it.
i'm not going to deny tt i probably does the same thing as them... after all.. i'm still a sister.
just that i'm pretty sure i dun give them grieve or fk their life up as often as i would like.
fk sisters seriously.
can't live without them. can't live with them.

ohmygod. so high right now.
totally didn't study much today. gonna just do my paper with whatever i have with me up in my head.
die. think i'm complacent and tmr's paper gonna be hard!
not like knowing that helps cause i'm still not doing anything!
ouh well... in party mode alr. =/
not goooood. gosh.
maybe putting the tough paper first isn't really a good idea.
or maybe it is.
i dunno.
i'm going crazyyyy! omg.

i miss yi! i miss youm! i miss pig! i miss love!
feels so out of the world during exam period. omg.
and my body clock is so screwed.
not having my 12hrs sleep a day is killing my body.
i think i'm going to have a brain damage.
how?!
omg. i want to shop.
and go to the beach. and go running. cause i'm getting fat even though lots of people tell me that i'm skinnier.
hehehe. i dunno who to believe.
how?! i think i'm going to be anorexic!
GASPPPPP!
quite impossible with the way i eat.
maybe bulimia. hehehe.
ok not funny.
not gonna happen. bulimia is a stupid thing to do.
such a waste of food.
why would anybody do tt?!
just shit it out!
ok. not making much sense. damn....
i think having a tattoo on the shoulder blades are sexy.
but don't worry. i'm not gonna do anything crazy!
omg. maybe i shld follow pig and get a naval piercing. that way i can have some motivation to try and keep my tummy flat!
hehehe. nahhhhh... too scary. and expensive!

can't wait for my papers to be over!
then can go shopping! omg. can't wait for shopping!
but i'm so broke now...
damn. been spending money like it's freeeee!
lalalalalalala. i wanna shop with the girlz!
come to think of it.. i dun think we have really went shopping with ALL four of us right?!
maybe we did.. just tt it's been so long tt i dun even rmb. huh.

and i'm seeing babe almost every single day!
omg. NOT GOOD!
now i'm gonna have withdrawal syndrome if i dun see him daily!
dieee.... i'm so sorry that you need to take so much shit from my family!
omg. feel like just wearing a bullet proof vest and stand in front of you and then shield you from all these shit!
hehehehe! so sweet right? omg.
my family treat you like shit dun care k?!
i treat you super awesome can alr! :D
sorry... =(
you know i love youuuuu!

haiz.. seriously lorh.. thot she would be the one who would understand.
who knows. ouh well.
treat her damn bad now.. omg. cold shouldered her.. =/
make me so guilty! feel bad for treating her like tt! HOW?!
haiz. not good to have a conscience. cause i can't be a real bitch.
omg.
and i'm damn damn hungry now.
but so lazy to take out my retainers and eat. then brush and then put back my retainers.
shall ignore the grumble of my stomach!
yes i can!

i'm going crazy on twitter.
somebody stop meeeee!

infinite.

it's been a really long time since i have this feeling alr.
this feeling of not liking any of my family members...
i rmb having this feeling during secondary school days.
and to get through that period of time it was just the thought of having awesome frens arnd me.
parents are just so controlling and all you want to do is just break out of this hold/hole.
and my sisters are just bitches whose main sole purpose is to make my life living hell by bitching on every single thing that you do or have not done.
gosh... i just really want to get away from this place...
it's just so sickening and somehow even though i've grown up it just doesn't seem like they registered that i have grown up.
do. not. like. to. be. home. now.
=/
been awhile since i thought that my family's fked up.
ouh well.

you know one of those moments where you don't really want to do or think about anything right now?
and all you want is just sit with that someone that you love and just enjoy their company?
it doesn't have to be anywhere. but preferably the beach. or just an empty ground.
with nothing but just the two of you.
it would be really awesome to just lay there and bask under the glory of those twinkling bright stars above you.
small little conversations to know that they are still there enjoying the moment with you.
little whispering touches on your skin to show that they love you.
it may not seem much. but then at that moment you know that it's all you ever wanted in your life.
and nothing ever seems more important at that moment.
it feels like you've been living your life all along just for this moment.
don't you see? it's the littlest things that matter.
life's simple as long as you're in it.