hi, so i've been trying to get myself mentally prepare for change to happen. school's starting in less than a month and gotta start shifting in to hostel in two to three weeks. shit just got real. and it's happening. i feel so lazy and i have this mentality that i don't need to know any more friends. i have enough of them right now in my life alr. i don't see the need to have anymore. =/ life's awesome just the way it is nowwww. so why is it changing?! ok fine. i just hope i don't gain weight when i'm there. i hope i have the motivation to run those bloody hills of ntu and not the mind of a weakling who goes to supper every night. i long for a lean toned body with a flatter stomach. see?! it's not a very far fetched goal. i just want my previous weight back. just 7 kgs. i don't need a stomach tt have abs. just flatter. tt's not unrealistic right? i honestly believe that i can do it. just that i'm too lazy. every cell on my body screams to go shed off those extra fats. but it's just too lazy. why?! why am i this lazy?! i'm lazy and then here i am envying and hating everyone of them who has long toned legs and a cinched waist. oh alison. what a letdown you are. but then again i just don't have the motivation to go run. and sweat. i hate running. i hate the process of running. i just wish i can run without me knowing that i ran and then get me to wake up when i run finish. ok it's not possible. i hate it. i hate the feel of every single cell in my lungs crying and begging me to stop. i hate the feel of my legs being forced to take another step forward. ok that's bullshit. i haven been running that much recently to feel like that. my legs surprisingly still have the energy to run another kilometer and another and another. it's just my lungs and stamina. you see? the thing is i know i can do it. that is why i just keep putting it off to the next day and the next day until i realise that being fatter is NOW. oh i'm such a contradiction. and i just have this urge to talk and talk and talk till the night ends and the day starts. i'm such a weird thing.