she's not as strong as she seems to be.

i hate this feeling.
i hate that i feel weak. that i'm not strong enough.
i hate that what i feel depends on someone.
i hate that i feel dependent on someone.
that his or her actions would affect me.
and i would break it down into little pieces of whys and why nots.
and i would start going crazy in my head and not being able to do anything.
don't say anything or start a conversation if you don't have anything nice to say.
and it'll just slowly kill me inside.
i can't really pin point to that thing that makes me feel all these.
it doesn't make sense.
but then again.. wad does?
just when you thought you had it all figured out... you start to feel all these weird things.
why can't things ever be normal?
there's just so many words left unspoken that you don't know where to begin if you were to start.

i hate that once there was nothing to lose... but now.. there's everything to lose.
the stakes are high.
i don't like what i'm feeling right now.
like i don’t know what’s going on anymore.
like i don’t care about anything anymore.
i’ve lost motivation to do anything.
my mind is set on too many things that i'm are confused about my feelings, and i can’t explain how i feel either.
the feeling of emptiness, and feeling that barely anyone is there for me.
feeling that no one understands me anymore.
and it seems like there is nothing to look forward to anymore.

i'm fine.
what's fine?
fucked up? insecure? neurotic? emotional?
yea. i am.
it's ok.
don't ask. don't care.
it'll be gone soon.
if it's not i guess it'll just blow up sooner or later.

and she can't find a reason behind those tears.

can you make it right again?