late at night and nth better to do and i just had to go look through the old photos.
it just brings back so much memories. Krabi trip, Laos! omg. and so much old photos with WWY. and i wasn't that fat before. oh god. it just makes me miss all those times! oh god. and now all there is left is just hall stuff. i mean i have fun and everything. but it's still not the same as before. poly time was where i had my fun. my life. i love it. and i miss every single thing about it. nothing is just the same. things change. and uni sucks and hall just feels like this fake place in my life that i try to make things look happier than it seem cause the rest of my life sucks and it's the only place where i can make it feel like things are alright again.
i dunno. i'm only two and a half years left with uni. i hope i can get through it. and if somehow or rather i'm able to make uni life awesome then tt's good. but no matter how awesome it is i know that it would never be the same as poly. at this moment i just wish i can tell everyone in my poly life that make it so awesome that i miss them right now.
okay just saying.
haiii.

i just need the force to be with me for the next two and a half weeks. please please please.

Self Pep Talk

5 more weeks till school is officially over! =) jiayou alison hang in there. for now your regiment shall be wake up go school, GO FOR ALL LECTURES (stop skipping lectures) go back hall and sleep then wake up do miscellaneous important hall stuff and start studying again till late then sleep. you know you can do it. it's just 5 more weeks. =) and know that you're not alone. what you're going through there are hundreds of other people going through the same thing too. you may not be the brightest but remember that you're not the worst either. i hope. haha! i really hope that i am not one of those lousy students. but it's ok. have faith. just work hard and you'll be able to get the results you want. let's just really hope and pray that i would not fail any modules. you can do better. =) believe in urself. let's go! 3 more weeks of school then exam break and let the games begin. >:D

be strong. i'm not alone in this. =)

really really trying my best to cope with uni. it's honestly the shittiest thing i have ever been through. i don't think i have ever hated doing something that much till i went into uni. honestly, having a 9 to 5 job is so much better than battling with all these figures and circuits and everything. and babe's in army now and everything just feels so off kilter and different. i can't believe that i even wrote my mum a letter telling her that i love her and that i appreciate everything that she has done for me. i mean, who does that? but then at this moment, i really love her. and i just have this urge to tell her how much i love her and appreciate her cause it hits me that i may think this way but if i don't tell her she would nv know cause we're not those kind who would openly talk about our feelings.

and i'm trying to study and i just feel like i'm so lost with everything. i shld really focus and get my head in. take the opportunity of babe's being in army to study. and i just miss babe. i didn't realise that i rely on him THIS much. and i just keep thinking about the past. about how much fun we had before uni and army. i rmb the time when we went to mount faber to celebrate my birthday. that walk after that was pretty awesome. haha! these kind of little things that we done would just randomly pop out and make me miss you so much. i don't even know that it's possible to miss someone that much. and i'm so sick of hearing myself say that i miss him so much. i guess in a way uni is also good. it makes me realise and appreciate the things that happen arnd me and to realise how much these people are to me.

and i'm real hungry now. i shld keep studying. i can do it. and i have the time to catch up. jiayou alison. you know that you can do it. you just got to focus. hang in there.

hello hello! uni has officially started and i officially hate it. constantly thinking and toying with the idea of quitting school but then i think it's kind of a bad thing since i think one day my wish would come true and i'll quit school or drop out of school. which is not i want cause i really want to get a freaking degree and get the hell out of there. so jiayou jiayue! i can do it! just mug and mug and mug! immerse urself with good and nice clever people and don't give too much shit with people who are petty and small minded and people whom you cannot trust.
honestly, i don't think i can be close or trust any of my hall mates. and not just because babe thinks that most of them cannot be trusted or anything. it's just that it gets so political and the whole election just seem to bring out the bitchy fked up side of them. i guess i just can't really be bothered and i really just want to do things mainly and plainly because it's fun. i don't get how they can survive all those bitching and gossiping. and to hear them say that so and so is blah and the next thing you know is that they are good buddies with them. oh shut the fk up and get the fk out of my face will you? two face bastards and i don't really care if i didn't turn up for rallies or wadsoever. hello, my life out there is much more important than this hellhole you call fun and awesome home. please. home is back in pasir ris. and wherever babe is. not this back stabbing political shit place. gosh. sometimes i just want to roll my eyes and ask them to just shut up. but then nah. i shall not stoop so low and just remove myself from all that crap. ignorance is bliss and i'm just here to have fun. not stir up shit.
just focus on your studies alison! you can do it. you know you can do it. dun scare urself shitless cause you don't know how to do. ask people and you will know. you can do it! GOGO!
just remember the people that love you and nv lose sight of urself. =)
i can do this. i can survive another 14 days of babeless days. although my mood and feelings swings here and there that sometimes i feel like such a mess. be strong. there's still pig and yi and love and youm. so happy that pig came over to stayover. ^^ we would be such awesome roomies like really. i would love to be in hall more i guess. and then i'll just be really anti social and just be in our own two person's world. haha! i would be rid of all those shit man. blame it on me to not be able to function without someone else. =/ feel so needy.
oh god. i'm just going on and on and i'm so tired.
bottomline is, i love you. pig, yi, youm, babe and love. i really do. i will promise myself to not lose sight of myself and remember the people that truly love me. dun be some bitch because of people that mean nth and would eventually fk ur life up or backstab you. know who's good and who's bad.

i sure have come a long way from being that happy go lucky couldn't give a flying fuck to careful threading where i go me. uni sure changes people.
oh god this is just so negative. but yea! i just want to say that i love you guys and that i will jiayou for studies. and i really want to thank you girls for being there for me. for picking up my phone and hear me whine and to put aside my fears when i get cold feet about school. thank you. i love you and i'm sure as hell is grateful for you guys in being in my life.
and babe. i know you can't see this, but hang in there alright? i don't know what would come our way but all i know right now at this moment is that i want to be there for you no matter wad and that at the end of the day i still love you and you're the only one that i want to be with. we can do this and we shall do it. =) love you! and honestly, i think it's pretty cool to be in the army still! haha! so go kick some ass and be my idol! :D

i love you girls! thanks for being there. you have no idea how much it means to me. =) ♥

it's not hard for me to love you
because you are the world to me

so sweet of you to heist so much pens and marker from ur mum's shop for me! haha! you're such a sweetheart. i love you!

hall camp is over. and i would say that i enjoyed it. although i haven really made any really close really reliable friends but hey one step at a time right? soon school is really starting and things will get really busy. i hope it does actually so that i wouldn't have much time to fester and think too much or miss babe too much. he's going into army soon and i would say that the future is bleak. but somehow part of me really feel that it is gonna be alright in the end. cause love would prevail. it would bring us back together when we're lost. when we forgot what loving each other feels like. i really truly want to believe it. it's gonna be really tough. but if it's meant to be it's meant to be right? i honestly can't imagine life without you. i mean you're the one who i go to when things get shitty. you're the one whom i look for to share a good news with. good or bad you're the one that i want to experience and go through it with. that shld mean something isn't it? it scares me how relationships could end so easily. i don't know.
basically all i want to say is, i really really wish with the bottom of my heart that everything would turn out fine and that the upcoming 4-6 years would not break us up. i believe we can do it! but believing and doing it is totally different so yea. i hope that you have some faith. i want you to have faith. have faith in me just like how i have faith in you. us. we can do it if we want to. =) may the force be with us and come what may, i will always love you till the end of time. :)